I've fallen and can't get up
If ever there was a day that I wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear from the world it is today.
At about 3 am this morning I had the worst pain imaginable in my chest and had to take one of the endone tablets I had left from my stay in the hospital after my surgery. I was lucky to have it since without it I doubt I could go to sleep.
This morning I awoke at 7:30 to find the pain had not subsided. My hunny left for his University office and I went online to visit a few blogs when the pain just kept getting worse.
I walked over to the physio nearby to find out if she takes workcover patients because I just didn't know what else to do. Calling the surgeon's office would prove futile I'm sure. She told me she would need a referral and her first available appointment was tomorrow at 3. I took the spot and then began my short walk home. I think I got about 4 steps away from the place before bursting out into tears. By the time I got back inside my house I was dripping snot from my nose. I think this cry was a long time coming.
I did the only other thing I could do by making an appointment at the doctor's office and their first available was 1:40, that was about a 3 hour wait.
As I sat here I couldn't stop crying so I called my mom who proceeded to freak out and tell me to go to the emergency room. I called mr ralph again and asked if he thought I should and we both agreed that going to the doctor first would be best and that I could ask the doctor if the emergency room was what I needed. I took my last endone and after calling back my mom with the plan I rested on my bed reading and finally napping until the appointment.
The doctor that was in today isn't the one I like, and I've had problems with him in the past, but he had to do. He told me that the problem is in my clavical joint and it is inflammed due to the exercise I've been doing after non-use for such a long time. He told me I needed to rest a few days and gave me a prescription for some pain meds as well as the referral I wanted for the physio. Just before I left though, he plunked the last nail in my coffin for today.
He asked, "Have you put on some weight?" After shaking my head no he said, "oh, you've never shown your arms before."
After sinking low in my chair I said, "I've actually lost weight." Then he made some weird comment about my neck brace making my head and neck appear bigger.
What a great way to kick me while I'm down I say. That was just what I needed! Another reason to feel crappy about myself and start loathing my arms again. I just became okay with wearing sleeveless shirts because of the heat and all the cool summer styles. Now this jerk-ass has ruined it for me.
After I left there I started crying again, and when I was telling the story to mr ralph I cried more.
I don't know how to bounce back from this one folks.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
2:41 PM
Of size and things
Yesterday I went to a clothing party at my mum-in-law's home. It is called
Postie Fashions and apparantly they've been in business selling clothes out of homes for a long time. I didn't expect to like them, but I surprised myself. If you go to the website, you can check out the current line and click on the gallery to see the spring/summer collections.
I actually fit into some size AU12 things (which is a US 10). My body is inbetween sizes right now though, so it makes it difficult to buy things. I tried on this
beautiful white suit and had to have it. It is so gorgeous and when my hunny bunny saw it on me his eyes lit up. After that, it was pretty much a done deal.
I had to order the pants in a size 14 because the thighs were too tight in the 12's. Have I mentioned that is where my problem lies? This last 10 kilos is right in my butt and thighs. It is so hard to lose it from there. When I was in Junior High grade 6, I remember the boys teasing me and singing "Thunder Thighs" to the theme of the cartoon "Thunder Cats" whenever they would see me walking down the hall. It still hurts to think about it.
One of the neighbor ladies mentioned how thin she thinks I am looking from my neck to my waist. It was a compliment, but it only served as a reminder that I am still a fat bottom girl.
The clothes they sell were really quite nice and flattering for all sizes. I wish I had found them when I first arrived here because finding clothes in sizes 14 and up is difficult. I decided to host one of the parties this Autumn and invite a lot of people from work. Maybe if they see me in my suit they will want to come!
I didn't feel like exercising today because yesterday I started to have pain in my right arm, but it had cooled down so much that I had to. I did a moderate to light 30 minute walk and it was good.
I was going to go to the gym for aqua-robics today but decided to put it off for a while and let my neck rest. I probably overdid it last week. I should have started out more slowly than jumping in and doing 3 sessions for a total of 2 and 1/2 hours of it. I can be overzealous sometimes.
For once I'm starting a Monday without a heavy weekend hanging over my head. And although I could have done better, I stayed within my points range on both Saturday and Sunday and don't have to worry about saving points and using all my bonus exercise points towards it. It feels good.
Also I have my plan of eating salads everyday for dinner to look forward to. Last night I made a very simple seafood salad by mixing pre-made coleslaw mix with imitation crab meat and low-fat coleslaw dressing. I served it on a bed of mixed lettuce greens. It was quite yummy and only 3 1/2 points for each of us. We also had a billabong icecream for dessert (2 points) that I discovered on the weekend. Because it is made with skim milk it is low-fat and still gives you that creamy sugary goodness.
Tonight it will be Mexican salad. I'm thinking of putting lean-beef with taco seasoning, low-fat refried beans, low-fat cheese, and sourcream, topped on salad greens and tomato. Sounds yummy.
Blogger was down for a while so I decided to have a play with myvirtualmodel. I had done it before but forgotten my password so I created a new one. I'm putting the before/after ones on the introduction page. I also decided to go shopping around the web with my current model:
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
1:13 PM
So-So Sunday
I am awake. I think I may be the only one that is, at least no one else is roaming about drinking coffee and writing in a weblog.
I am worried that today I will eat too much out of sheer boredom because I am here with not much to do because of the heat, and so much bad food lurking about.
I did okay last night. I pretty much stayed in the 20 point limit which was great. But today I am going to be at this little clothing party of my mum-in-laws and she is having nibbles.
I had her buy lite dip and low-fat rice crackers, but I know I will probably still eat more than I should. Hopefully I will have the sense to drink a lot of water and eat some carrots beforehand.
Tonight we will have salad for dinner at home because mum-ralph and younger-ralph are going somewhere. I am not sure what we will make because we need to go grocery shopping.
Damn. I just remembered I was meant to defrost our freezer. Oh well. And I have no idea when we will go shopping since the store near us probalby doesn't stay open that late on Sunday afternoons.
We will probalby have to pick up just enough for dinner at the other place that stays open later and get the rest on Monday.
That is all I can muster. And now that I've bored you too, please pass along Main Meal Salad recipes. Ta.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
8:08 AM
The results are in
I weigh 73 kilos even. One hundred and sixty pounds.
Not that bad. I gained 400 grams. I can live with that.
I have resolved to lose a kilo this week. I will do it. This week will be different. For starters, dinner is at home tonight. We are having homemade hamburgers at my mum-in-law's house. And the heat is so bad that we are staying the night here tonight. But this time, I will be good. I swear it.
I am making a salad to go with the hamburgers, and mr ralph and I have decided that because of the heat, we will eat salad for dinner every night this week. I will have to be creative BUT I think it will be fun.
I'll publish the ingredients of each salad here so you can play along.
If you know any good salad recipes that can be used as a main dish PLEASE tell me where I can find them in comments or email me at suckingitin at gmail dot com.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
4:30 PM
The dreaded day
Weigh-in has arrived. The truth will happen in 2 hours time. I'm up because I've been waking up early lately, and it is so hot the air is sucking my will to live. It is only 7:30 but our place heats up like an oven and never cools down.
Anyway, I was thinking of using the no-weigh card, but I know how silly that is. I am just going to face the music. If I gained it can't be that much, it may not add up to a whole pound.
I still can't believe the Mexican food and dessert from that night could solely be responsible for this. I exercised every single day this week to combat it, and wasn't successful.
Last night I ate breakfast for dinner, but it was out and I was dumb. I forgot to ask for no butter on the toast, and for them to poach the eggs. The bacon was slightly fatty, but I cut the fat off. But all and all I was just about 2 points over on the day and the morning walk
should have helped with that.
Seems I am relying too much on my exercise to make up the difference for my food sins.
How much fat was really in that Mexican meal??
If I were to use the no-weigh card I wouldn't be taking responsibility for my gain and even though the number won't be written down, I'll know. And knowing really is half the battle. Maybe this will finally teach me a lesson.
I know it is okay to have a free day now and then when you don't worry about the points of foods. I know that there was nothing wrong with eating Mexican, but if I want to reach my goal by the end of March I need to be very serious about this. Much more serious than I have been. I could have ordered an entre instead of a main meal. I didn't need the alcohol and the dessert. I choose what goes in my mouth.
I am totally obsessing about this weigh-in. It is time I get over it and get on with next week. I should post the results later today.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
7:32 AM
Home Stretch
I'm in the home stretch. I have less than 25% of my extra weight left to lose, and yet I am stuck in a rut. I
am super hard on myself as a few of you have mentioned, yet as I think about that the first thing that comes to mind is: If not me, who will be?
I feel driven to be this way.
Back when I lost the first 20 pounds I remember feeling very empowered, and very happy about my accomplisment, now I focus so much on what is left to be done that I forget to give myself a huge pat on the back for making it this far.
I've gone 3 years without going up and down on the scales. I've been losing weight or effectively maintaining weight and that is something I should be proud of.
Today I had my brother describe all the food they will be eating when they sit down for their Thanksgiving dinner (probably right now as I write this), and my mouth watered. If I were there I'd probably end up eating so much it would take me a month to get back on track.
I really miss them, and part of me wishes I was there to partake in all the high-fat, lovely goodies. BUT, I am thankful I'm not. I can be glad that I won't put on weight this Thanksgiving, and although I still have Christmas to get through, I think I can manage that too.
For what it is worth, being healthy feels good. Of course eating cakes, pies, and cornbread dressing feels good for a moment, but that
too-full, bloated, I feel like I'm going to explode if I eat another bite feeling is not so good.
So today I can say I am thankful to be on track with my weightloss efforts. I am thankful that even though it is going to be 100F today I got up early and went for a walk. I am thankful that the end is in sight, and I am ever so thankful of all the support I've recieved from the people in my life. Happy Thanksgiving.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
8:07 AM
Fun- if you're so inclined
I got this from
milk & pepsi.
Please answer the following in the comments box(mine will be in the first comment):
1. If you could duct tape someone you dislike into a lawn chair and make them listen to three songs over and over and over, who would the person be and what would the songs be?
2. If you could smash a pie in George W. Bush's face, what flavor would it be?
3. What's your favorite sandwich?
4. What kind of underwear do you prefer?
5. Describe your favorite shoes.
6. Do you have a piggy bank? How much is in it?
7. Would you wear bright orange pants if they fit great and were of superior quality?
8. Scott Peterson: life without parole or the death penalty?
9. Would you rather drive a Saturn with dents and a bad paint job that ran great or a BMW that looked great but had frequent engine troubles?
10. What actor or actress would you refuse to go to the Academy Awards with?
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
8:07 AM
Scale says
I'm trying hard not to let the scale get me down. I'm already planning to use the no-weigh card yet again. The last time was a month ago, but it still hurts. This would be the 3rd time to use the damn thing. I just wish I had used a little self-control at that stupid work dinner.
I always focus on the negative. This is a big problem for me.
A few days ago
Steffanie commented on here and reminded me to be happy about how far I've come. And she is right. I've come a really really long way. When I read other people's blogs and I read what they've lost and how many sizes they've dropped, I'm always impressed. I seem to be more impressed with other people's success than my own.
A few weeks ago I was discussing this last 10 kilos with a close friend, we'll call her Sam . She recently introduced me to one of her other close friends and I must have brought up my diet with her when I saw her. Apparently when she last saw Sam she asked her if I had lost a lot of weight and Sam told her that I had. She told Sam that she would need to see a picture because if she hadn't known she would have never thought I had a weight problem.
I really should have taken that for what it was, a compliment. New people I meet don't know the ms ralph that I was, yet I emotionally carry the weight around with me everywhere I go. I can't seem to let it go. I touch my belly at night when I'm lying in bed to feel how small it is, yet it doesn't sink in. This last 10 kilos is the only thing that stands in my way of being at my healthy weight and when I reach it I don't want the fat me standing there looking in the mirror.
This battle with food may never truly be over for me. I know that my food addiction, unmanaged will spiral out of control again. It is a good thing that I've realized that this fight is a life-long thing and I am willing to fight it, but sometimes the emotional demons really are too much to handle.
I did pretty well yesterday with my pre-Thanksgiving dinner. My mum-in-law didn't like the cornbread dressing, but I really wasn't surprised. They don't eat anything like that over here. I enjoyed every morsel. Mr ralph liked it as well and probably ate too much of it, but I'm grateful in a way that he did because there weren't any leftovers! Halving the recipe was the right thing to do.
The only thing I have left over is turkey breast and some creamcheese pie. Both of those I think I can handle. The turkey just may be dinner tonight if I can keep mr ralph away from it during the day.
The heat has set in and it is going to be boiling again today. I'm going to try to get my exercise out of the way early in the day because walking to the gym at 5:30 is just not an option. So at 9 I will head off to the gym for aqua-robics and hopefully do 2 /30 minute classes.
The old me would let the scale get me so down that I wouldn't bother working out because I wouldn't see the point. I mean, I have 2 days before weigh-in and I don't really know if the exercise will help in the short-run, but I know it will in the long-run. Exercise has to be a part of my life. And that ladies and gentlemen is progress in the right direction.
Oh and a question if you know, could you tell me if sore muscles make you weigh more? I heard that a long time ago and never really found out if it is true. Toodle-loo.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
6:08 AM
Disasters
Last night was a complete disaster in the kitchen. I tried to alter a recipe I found yesterday and it didn't work. I ended up with some kind of low-fat sweet potato cheesecake. It might taste ok, but it looks disgusting and is the remnants of what was meant to be a two layer pie. If I cut big slices they're 4 points a slice.
Sigh.
Plus I distroyed a cornbread. I think I put too much baking soda, it tasted bitter. So this morning I had to make a new one, and in deciding that I didn't want too much stuffing/dressing leftover I halved the recipe. It tastes ok, but didn't brown.
Double sigh.
Let us not forget all the licks, bites, and tastes I did while baking. I had two of the cookies I used for the pie base. They're 1 point each!
This
small pan of cornbread dressing is a whopping 17 points total. Talk about hefty dinner. I think I am having a point-free lunch. If I can make it through today (which I brought on myself since I don't really have to eat this stuff) then I will be very happy.
I know it is silly for me to feel like I need to eat a Thanksgiving dinner, but for some reason traditional family dinners are hard for me to give up.
It makes me miss home so bad.
My mother never has disasters in the kitchen. She is the most excellent cook. Now I feel weepy.
My legs are very sore from the 1 hour aqua-robics session yesterday. This is a good thing. She really worked us out and I am glad. I won't be going today, but I will go tomorrow.
I did a really wimpy walk this morning because even though it was just after 8am it was already getting hot. Today is going to be a scotcher. And I'm cooking turkey! There is a reason that we celebrate it in winter in America, and it has nothing to do with when the pilgrams landed! Trust me.
Maybe feeling hot will keep me from eating.
I was so hungry yesterday that I think I drank 16 glasses of water (around 8 16oz bottles) and my hunger was still not abated. Working out makes me very hungry. I ate all my points and probably more with all the baking tastes.
If I break even without a gain on Saturday I will be thrilled to death.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
10:19 AM
Gah
I was looking for lowfat recipes for the Thanksgiving dinner I will prepare on Wednesday (long story but of course they don't celebrate it here and we need to do it a day earlier), but this
website popped up and I have been browsing recipes and am now hungry.
Damnit. I want to eat it all. It is a good thing I don't have any of the ingredients I need or I'd be baking right now.
The aqua-robics was good. I really stayed for the entire hour, plus I walked there and back (total 40 minutes). But somehow I think all that exercise has made me want to eat more.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
2:45 PM
Why?
I got on the scale this morning like a complete idiot. I knew it was going to have my weight up, but I did anyway. It is so depressing that one Mexican meal and a shared dessert can do this to me. I have to remember to keep trucking on and make everyday for the rest of the week count towards my weightloss efforts and not let this blight get in my way.
I'm very proud of myself for yesterday. I walked twice for a total of 50 minutes and did the 30 aqua aerobics. I discovered that since they offer the 30 minute classes back to back you can pay once and stay for more than one. I am going to do that today. It was tiring, but not so tiring that I couldn't do an hour of it. Besides in the 2nd half hour if I need to slow down I can. People just move at their own pace.
As for the pain, it was tolerable. The pain in my chest (pectoral muscles) comes and goes. I find if I get into certain positions it doesn't bother me as much. It worries me and I really wish I had addressed it with the doctor, but I'll have to bring it up next time for sure. My guess is that the muscles haven't been used very much in the healing process and are now getting a workout.
If I keep my exercise up and my food intake at a minimal this week shouldn't be a big disaster. It is only early Tuesday morning and my weigh-in isn't until Saturday. Sometimes on weeks like this I just hope for maintenance. If I keep my weight the same I will be thrilled.
I'm doing well. I'm doing new exercise and am well-aware of my weekend problem. Now I just have to do something about fixing it before it becomes a problem towards my goal.
I've given myself the long-term goal of getting to 63 kilos by The first week in April (just after my 2nd anniversary). And I wanted to lose 5 kilos by Christmas. I don't know if that one is going to pan out, but I am still shooting for it anyway. The long-term one has me losing about a pound a week to make it and I feel that is very reasonable and achievable.
Wow. Just think that by the end of the summer I could be at my goal. I can actually see it happening. I should do a lot more visualization. I know it has helped me in the past and is good for the spirit. I wonder what size that will be. I know that I will at least be an American 10, but not sure if I will reach the Aussie 10. It is so exciting to think about all the clothes I will be able to wear. Yippie.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
7:33 AM
Smooth
Last night I made the most delish smoothie. Since I don't have a blender I haven't really tried to make any smoothies or low-fat shakes because what I really want is to be able to throw fruit and ice and whatever I want and have it all blend up to perfection. What I do have is a stupid shake-maker that I thought was something it is not when I put it on my gift registry. Should have put a blender on that thing. Sigh, hindsight.
Well at our local Coles they have small bottles (2 servings) of these wonderful fruit things. They're not exactly juice, and they're not exactly thick, but they're all natural and basically delicious. I blended banana flavored nestle yogurt and 1/2 cup skim milk along with 50 mls of the mango flavored one and whoala, a 2 point smoothie which I shared with mr ralph. Today I will make a coffee flavored smoothie by adding instant coffee with a coffee flavored yogurt. Sounds good no? Well I am frothing at the mouth in anticipation.
I didn't hop on the scale this morning, more out of fear than anything. I worry that my Saturday sins will have caught up to me by now, so I went for a 30 minute walk and avoided the scale. This evening I will be at the gym doing a beginner's water aerobic class. I hope it is not too easy as I may get bored with it. I really hope I like it.
Yesterday as the husband spent some time in his office at the university I spent the afternoon dragging out our little Christmas tree and put it up. I knew Buckley would be very curious about it, and I had to spray him with water all afternoon to keep him from playing with it. When I woke up this morning it was lying on it's side and all of the candy canes and some of the ornaments were on the floor.
I picked it up easily enough, but I hope he doesn't do it again. Maybe he was punishing me for locking him out of the bedroom when he woke me up at 3am?
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
8:55 AM
No Comment
So no one commented yesterday. I can't say I'm that surprised. But I spent some additional time on the new look and decided it was a keeper.
Last night I ate so much. I don't even want to know how bad the damage was. I have no idea how many points it was but it was probably 2 days worth. The Mexican place my work team choose had nothing on the menu that was low-fat. Nothing. I also had a margaritta and a corona, plus my lovely husband took me to The Elephant Walk cafe for dessert. The place is quaint and has a very relaxing atmosphere. It is hard to describe but it was fab. We ate something called Banana waffles that had vanilla icecream and chocolate syrup. It was so damn yummie though, and we shared it.
It is already after noon and I haven't eaten a thing yet. Mr ralph is still sleeping and I really should wake him so we can get on with our Sunday. I didn't go for a walk because I didn't wake up until after 10am and it was already too warm outside. That's the thing about summers here in Australia, if you are going outside it is best to do it before the sun is fully up or after it goes down. Hopefully tonight I'll get in a good walk.
This week I plan to do aqua-aerobics so hopefully the food I ate last night didn't completely sabotage me for the week.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
1:15 PM
New look
Please tell me what you think of this
new look I created today. I want to see what people think before I change it permanently. Please comment!
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
2:50 PM
Weigh-in Nov 20th
I lost 700 grams, and weigh-in at 72.6! That totals 1.5 kilos this past 3 weeks, which is an average of 1 pound per week. Let me tell you that when you get down to the bottom 3rd of your weight loss goal, losing 1 pound a week is something to get excited about!
I know it is the exercise and I feel pretty terrific about it.
The other day I wore this pair of size 12(US) jeans that I actually bought when I couldn't pull them up past my hips. I got them at the local Salvation Army store and thought they were gorgeous. They're boot cut and the darkest blue denim and
do not stretch. I thought I'd be the happiest kitty in the litter when I could wear a pair of jeans that doesn't stretch. And I am! They look gorgeous on me (or so I think). It was a great feeling. Now I need a new goal clothes item to shoot for. This time it will be a size 10 (Aus 12).
I wear some size US-10, and Aus-12 clothes now, but not usually in pants. The reason behind that is I carry most of the weight I have left to lose in my hips, butt, and thighs. I'm actually quite pleased with my stomach, except I'd love to have a 6-pack, but then again who wouldn't??
Tonight we are going to eat pseudo-Mexican, I say pseudo because the Aussies don't do Mexican proper at all. Trust me, when you come here just eat anything Asian and leave the Mexican to the Mexicans and you will thank me for it. But, it is generally laden with lots of fat and cheese. I hope to choose wisely and exercise my butt off today and tomorrow to counteract any damage.
Last night I went out with a girlfriend for a few drinks and then had a few skinny lattes before going to see The Grudge. I had dinner out too, but choose wisely with a grilled chicken (larger than average serve) and mashed potatoes that although had some form of margarine in them didn't seem laced too heavily. The Grudge was pretty creepy and I jumped in my seat more than once.
On the agenda today is hopefully a new design for this blog, along with some house cleaning and exercise.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
10:44 AM
Fighting Obesity
I know I am behind the times and this is old news, but I just watched
SUPER SIZE ME for the first time. It of course is not my first look at the fast food industry and the problems plaguing Americans, especially children that lead to obesity. I was a bit shocked at how much eating McDonalds for every meal in a month affected not only Morgan's weight and health, but his mood.
Last year I read the book
Fast Food Nation that really got my stomach turning. If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it because even if you aren't on a diet it will radically change your mind about the fastfood industry, and may even help reduce your girth.
This movie and book have both said what needs to be said, but will they alone make any difference to the ever-growing waistline of the world?
I admittedly still eat fastfood from time to time. Most commonly if we need to eat out we choose
Subway, which incidentally is not in the clear when it comes to the evils of the fastfood world, they just happen to have more tasty low-fat choices.
I don't think I've eaten a full
McDonalds meal and if I have it has only been once in the past year. As well, I have radically reduced the amount of
KFC I eat, although for some reason KFC is more addictive to me than McDonalds.
When we eat out here we eat
Wok In A Box, where I can choose the low-fat rice noodles, prawns, and vegetables which all get cooked in a wok in front of me. But even there, mr ralph always seems to order the most fattening item on the menu, Satay Chicken with Hokkien noodles. But, at least it isn't as fattening as McDonalds chicken nuggets plus a Double Quarter Pounder McValue meal that he used to eat.
Since the film's release McDonalds in Australia, as well as nationwide have begun a healthy campaign. For a while they (maybe still do) sold apples. If you want an apple why not go to the local fruit and vegetable shop? Thankfully you can still find them in Australia on almost every corner. But, even the low-fat options at McDonalds are not all that healthy, and sometimes still contain over 9 grams of fat per serving.
Plus as everyone knows once in McDonalds, even if you went there with intentions on ordering something from the lighter menu, the temptation is sometimes just too great to eat a BicMac and large fries.
Awareness is only part of the solution. But something tells me this problem is not going away.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
1:10 PM
Hot Day
The prediction is that it is going to be 37 today. I didn't walk this morning because at 9am it was already too warm. The plan is to walk tonight after the sun goes down. Mr ralph will probably go with me.
I found that my doctor's appointment was meant to be yesterday. I know, I have no idea how I did that. I have rescheduled the x-ray for this afternoon and the appointment with the surgeon is tomorrow morning.
So I should be able to stop worrying tomorrow that is if it is good news.
I feel all bloated today. Ate too much pasta last night. I didn't overdo it on my points, but pasta and rice always sit heavy. My weight is fluctuating. I am still obsessing over the scale on a daily basis. I can't seem to talk myself out of it. It is like I have to know if it has gone up or down every single morning. It really is stupid because I know that there are hundreds of reasons why weight fluctuates daily.
Last night I went to the store looking for something to eat. I ended up buying some museli bars with chocolate on the bottom. I only ate one and it was yummy and only around 2 points. Also bought a bag of air-popped popcorn by Mother Earth which is really amazing. You could eat the entire bag for 4 points. If you have an air-popper you don't have to buy it, but this is so good for me since I don't have one.
I don't know why, but I want to eat everything in the house right now. I already ate my breakfast and I'm not very hungry right now. I hope that I am strong enough to not go eat all the snacks I bought last night.
I think I need to drink a gallon of water.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
10:17 AM
Didn't we already know this?
A new study as reported in
Yahoo! News shows how low-fat plans are better for those that want to keep their weight off for the long-haul.
Dieters already have been turning away from Atkins-style plans as a long-term weight-control strategy, and the new study gives them more reason: Low-fat plans seem to work better at keeping weight off.
"People who started eating more fat ... regained the most weight over time," said Suzanne Phelan, a Brown Medical School psychologist who presented results of the study Monday at a meeting of the North American Association for the Study of Obesity.
Also according to the study, more than half Americans who have tried low-carb diets have given up.
The American Institute for Cancer Research used these trends to issue a statement in September that urges dieters toward common a more common sense approach to weightloss:
"Eat a balanced diet weighted toward vegetables and fruits, reduce portion sizes and increase physical activity," the institute said.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
5:29 PM
Full of Energy
Walking is so energizing! Yesterday afternoon I walked for 30 minutes before dinner and it felt so good that I woke up this morning and did another 30 minutes. As I plan to do it again this afternoon that will make an hour's worth of exercising for today. Yay me.
I am so proud of myself for getting out there and moving my butt.
I discovered a lovely snack that is only 2 points! I cut up a low-fat wholewheat wrap and sprayed it with canola oil and grilled it until it became crispy. I then dipped it in lowfat sourcream with garlic and chile sauce. Yum! It was a perfect snack.
Anyway, I am still afraid of the doctor's appointment tomorrow. I hope that it is good news. I hope he says I can start weight training again. I want to start doing more cardio stuff than just walking. I was thinking that although the gym membership wasn't that great an idea since I wasn't going much at all after I started my job, that an occasional (maybe twice a week) class couldn't be that expensive and would really help me burn more kilojoules. Here's hoping he says it is ok. God I am so scared.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
1:06 PM
Back on track
So far so good. I like being in my own home where I have complete control over what is in my house so I won't be tempted to eat snacks and other things that are high in fat and low in nutritional value.
I hope that Wednesday I get good news and am told I am going back to work. It may sound weird, but work is good for my weightloss efforts. Since I always take my own food and the canteen is so expensive and not very tempting because I don't like spending money on food it is very easy for me to stay within my points range.
Also, working keeps my mind busy. I sit there and sip on water or tea and if I am hungry usually chew gum or nibble on carrot sticks. At home it is just to easy to make several trips to the cupboard looking for something to eat because most of the day I am so bored.
I haven't walked yet today because I had a headache this morning and we did our grocery shopping. I will walk this afternoon.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
1:29 PM
Well...
I wish I could say I am doing better, but this journal is about telling the truth.
Mr. ralph just wants to sleep all day and I have already been eating mindlessly.
On the Discovery Channel I watched a show about dieting. When I see women who have overcome really big obstacles with their weight it makes me feel so silly for complaining about how hard it is for me.
I am afraid of going to the doctor on Wednesday. Yesterday I carried Buckley to the car and suffered some pain in my back and chest later for it. I should know better. I'm not sure if that fear is part of the reason for this recent bout of out of control eating behavior.
Tonight I plan to eat a salad for dinner and go for a walk. I have the power to stop this.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
2:38 PM
Not doing so good
I weighed in 400 grams less. Today's weight is 73.3, it is not that I am not happy about that, but I've eaten a lot of garbage since then and I haven't even had dinner yet.
Yesterday I survived a huge fast-food craving. I went shopping in the city and everytime I walked past and could smell the fries I thought I was going to lose it.
Today it has been chocolate and gummy snakes.
We are eating out for dinner and will probably not be something healthy.
Sigh.
I know better, but I started my period yesterday and since then I have wanted to eat everything in sight.
I made a low-fat cheesecake for dessert to share with my friends who are coming over but I have already eaten chocolate. If I wasn't here and was at my own home I wouldn't even have the temptation of it.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
5:49 PM
Cravings and head speak
I have begun to notice the voices in my head a lot more after reading Dr. Phil's book. I always talk myself through cravings, sometimes the cravings win and I end up feeling guilty.
Yesterday I did some shopping therapy. I bought myself two books, a new
hair removal product, and some sunless tanning spray along with a skirt that I didn't try on and now has to be returned.
Stupid skirt. It didn't make any sense at all because it was my size and I held it up to myself in the store! I know I have an ample bottom, but things shouldn't fit tight there and like a tent around my waist. It is so not fair the way clothes are made these days. Having an hour-glass figure has its ups and downs.
Sorry, the point I was trying to get to was that we now have Christmas stuff all over the stores. And that means lots of chocolate and candy and goodies that I was very tempted by. I kept telling myself that I could just buy a small candy bar and enjoy it because I deserve it. But I know where that will lead and I shouldn't be rewarding myself with chocolate. In the end I found something to help.
They sell bite size chocolates (like you have in bags for Halloween in America), and you can buy just one! It was perfect. I bought the supermini twix and was happy with it. I was very proud of myself because I wanted to eat everything in sight.
I went for a 25 minute walk this morning because it was gorgeous out and I couldn't use pain or rain (heh) as an excuse. It was good. I actually felt like I could have went for longer, but I will leave it for this afternoon. It is always better to not overdo it and end up hurting myself.
Yes I stepped on the scale again this morning. If it is right that means I've lost around a half a kilo for the week, which I will take. I will take any loss and be happy with it.
I have some real challenges ahead on the weekend. We are staying at mr ralph's mom's house because she is going out of town. I will bring healthy food with me, but I will have to fight the temptation of raiding her refrigerator. The cheese, the chocolate.... It is a nightmare waiting to happen.
Mr ralph really wants to stay over there because she has cable tv and it is a perfect time for him to watch whatever he wants. Plus I invited a friend and her boyfriend over for dinner and drinks on Saturday night. We decided to get take away, and that is going to be a tough one too.
I wish for once I didn't have to worry about everything I put in my mouth.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
9:42 AM
Personally I love my carbs
I've always thought all the hype about Atkins and carb-reduced diets would eventually slow down. I read this news bit on
3 fat chicks:
The honeymoon is over. According to NPD Group, the percentage of people that follow carb restricted diets such as Atkins and South Beach has dropped from a high of 9% in January, to only 4.6% in September. Book sales are also dropping, as well as low carb food sales. Manufacturers are feeling a low-carb backlash, and their investments in the low-carb market are resulting in profit losses. Dieters may be shifting their focus back to calories and fat.
I have to admitt that I love eating carbs and the idea of restricting myself from them forever is beyond my ability. I do eat far less High GI carbs than I used to, and this I think is the best progress in that direction I can hope for.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
12:57 PM
What a morning
I love the sound of rain.
It is raining again this morning and although a walk would be nice, I know I need the break. I pushed myself hard yesterday even though it was only a 35 minute walk. I ended up with a terrible back ache for most of the day and had to resort to pain medication. I can't believe that my doctor's appointment is only 6 days away now. In a way I am full of relief and also scared. If I can't walk briskly for 35 minutes without resorting to meds, how do I expect him to tell me I am free to exercise more?
Talk about reality-based thinking.
This has got to be about listening to my body.
I weighed myself again. Consistently every day this week the scale has gone up 100 grams. On Monday it started as low as 73, and this morning it was 73.4. What am I doing to myself? I should stop doing this. Weigh-in is on Saturday and I should and NEED to leave it for Saturday.
Speaking of Saturday I am having take-out with friends. I am afraid because I don't really want a repeat of last week in which I double or triple my points for the day and then have to worry about it for a full week. I know it is up to me to make good choices and stick to what I plan. But I also want to unwind with alcoholic beverages. It is such a dilemma.
I finished the Dr. Phil book yesterday. I went through it so fast! Like lightening. I actually did his little assessments too, even though a lot of it wasn't exactly new ground to cover.
I know that I am weak in certain areas, especially in feeling like once I get to my goal weight I will be able to maintain it. But, again I think I have shown that I can do it by maintaining these large plateaus along the way. I think that when I quit Weight Watchers the last time keeping myself from buying bigger clothes was the hugest challenge. As soon as the clothes started to feel too tight I told myself I wasn't going to let that happen. I had come too far to go back down that road. And here I am, even closer to goal. This time I will become a lifetime member.
I put a voice to my goal last night by telling mr ralph that in 5 months time I want to be at goal. It is a very reasonable time-frame. I know that it is achievable. I really wanted to say I'd do it in 2 months, but I had to be honest with myself. Along the way there will be obstacles that I need to prepare myself for. So 5 months it is. I want to be held accountable. I will reach 63 kilos by the first week in April 2005.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
8:28 AM
Love the weightloss community
I walked 55 minutes total yesterday. I'm really getting on top of this. But this morning my head felt like it was full of cotton and I really really didn't want to go. Somehow I talked myself into it by telling myself that if I just walked a little I could turn around and come home at any time. Of course my feet did it almost by themselves and I walked the familiar block. It took me 5 minutes longer than normal because my heart wasn't in it. Who can complain I did it.
I love this diet/weightloss blog community I'm seeing on the internet. There is such a good network of likeminded people and a great support system. I hope to make some friends although I know it takes time. I read
Shrinking girl's entry this morning about how she wanted to eat bad things for breakfast and it made me think about adding a section with easy to make recipes that I make to help keep me from getting bored and keep me sane. Maybe I'll add one every week, like featured recipes. Or maybe I'll just keep mentioning them here. Adding another page seems like too much trouble at the moment I fear I won't keep it up.
But if you are bored with your regular low-fat/high fibre
cereal for breakfast, I highly recommend baked beans on toast. It is very filling and full of protein and fibre.
I've been doing the scale thing and it is of course up and down as usual. I know that it is ridiculous to hop on the scale every morning because it does nothing but make me obsess more over it than usual.
Mr ralph has been sick all week and
not hungry at all. He's lost twice as much weight as me since I started
Weight Watchers. I should be happy for him, and I am -- but it is so damn unfair. He will be to his goal weight so soon. Men really are from Venus. I wish I had his metabolism. He hasn't even exercised one single day this week, and I'm sure he will lose over a kilo. When he does exercise he rocks the charts. Unbelievable.
I've actually had to put Buckley on a diet. Seems that mr ralph has been feeding him way too much. His weight is almost 7 kilos. That's about 15 pounds for a cat that is just under a year old. He is a BIG cat, don't get me wrong. That's him over there at
Bentwookie he has the biggest head and bone structure of any cat I've ever owned, but 15 pounds is still too big. He is only meant to have 3/4 cup to 1 cup of food a day. He was probably eating twice that so you can imagine he is missing the food.
Since I am home I've broken it up into 3 servings a day, and by the end of the day he wants more. I have to say I identify with him. Poor little guy. Best he do it now before he really is a big fat cat.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
9:37 AM
A good start
I think I've actually made walking first thing in the morning a habit. I got up around 8 and hit the sidewalk. I went for a bit longer than usual. I don't wear my watch and thought it was about 30 minutes but it turned out to be 25. Not bad though for someone just over a week ago didn't go for a single walk all week.
I hope that when I am allowed to go back to work I keep this routine up. I know it will be harder since I have to get up much earlier when I am working, but maybe over the next two weeks it will become so ingrained in me that I won't want to give it up.
I had the
sprouts and spaghetti sauce yesterday and although it didn't remind me of pasta at all, it was still nice. I thought I wasn't going to like it but for 1 point and a bowl full, you can't complain.
I bought a bag of
Shapes (an aussie thing). And before you start thinking I've lost my mind again let me explain. The ones I bought come in individual serving bags (although you get 12 of them), each bag has approximately 10 small crackers (25 grams net weight) of various flavors. They're very tasty and although on the bag it proclaims how they are "Baked Not Fried", the points in these suckers is unusually high. Each flavor is different, but the cheese ones I ate yesterday had a hefty 2 and 1/2 points for the bag. If I hadn't eaten a 1 point lunch I may have been in trouble points wise for the day. But the reason I bought these is to teach myself that it is okay to quell these cravings without overdoing it. I can have a single serving. I will fight this.
I just finished my breakfast and feel really good about the start of this week.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
10:54 AM
Not Guilty
I said I wouldn't feel guilty about what I ate tonight. I'm trying hard to hold myself to that.
Sometimes you need to give yourself a day or night off your diet. When I was doing Body For Life it was recommended to have a free day. Weight Watchers is still flexible in that you can cut points off of every day in order to make up for or create a bank of points for when you want to go over.
Tonight I went way over for the day. Because I don't really know how many points the meal out was I had to estimate that I went 15 points over. That means shaving 2 to 3 points off every day for the remainder of the week, or an extra hour and a half of walking on top of the 40 minutes a day I had planned. In my mind that would still equal a weightloss for this week.
I know it is okay that I went over. If I didn't allow myself the indulgence I would go crazy. I may already be there though. New day tomorrow.
I read on a website that if you sautee bean sprouts with onions and pour fat free spaghetti sauce over it that it can actually compare to having pasta. I know it sounds crazy but I think tomorrow for lunch I will try it. I need to have a low to no point lunch tomorrow or I will let the guilt set in.
It rained and spit all day today and I didn't walk at all. It is forcast to do the same tomorrow BUT I have got to get out of here and walk. I need to. Please let me get off my bum in the morning and walk.
11:17 am Sunday
I did go for a walk, but mainly because I had a lot on my mind. Please read my regular blog's
latest entry.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
11:17 AM
Oh how the mighty fall
Yes it is true. It seems that every time I brag about how proud of myself I am, I fall off the wagon. At least this time the fall wasn't that far and I believe that today I should be able to pick myself back up.
All day yesterday all I wanted to do was eat. I got at least one walk accomplished but on the walk I bought a scone from
Baker's Delight. I thought it would be only 2-3 points, but this time I decided to weigh it on my food scale and discovered the horrifying reality -- these scones are 5 points each. They weigh twice as much as a serving size. But, but they're not that big!! I know, it was not a good moment. I ate the whole thing anyway, along with some left over quiche. Then I had my soup a few hours later and still felt hungry.
For dinner I had home-made chicken wraps like you can get at
KFC here in Australia, but for half the points. They were too good though and I ate two instead of one which should have been enough.
Of course I also had a bottle of Toohey's Extra Dry. To top the night off on a very bad note I delved into the fried oriental noodles. You know the ones. Those things are evil. I bought a bag a few weeks ago thinking it would be nice to use them in salads but of course instead I discovered how great they taste by themselves. A small 100g bag has a points value of 12. Yikes! Even though I only ate half the bag last night...I will never buy those again unless I am using them in a recipe that very day which will be enjoyed by more than one person. To wash those down I had a glass of some dessert wine that mr ralph wanted when I was buying myself the beer.
It wasn't your normal, very bloated feeling binge. But the guilt set in.
Lesson learned.
Today's weigh-in has me at 73.7 kilos. That is 100 grams more than my pre-holiday weight. Who knew that the 3 kilos that was relatively easy to gain over the month we were in America would be so damn hard to lose once I got back.
The truth is I am still very happy with the loss. It was a very good result. If you count the weight I gained last week (but didn't have recorded) it was a loss of 700 grams, just shy of a whole kilo (2.2 pounds). Technically you aren't meant to shoot for more than that per week anyway. Kudos to me.
I think I have to accept that by Christmas I won't be at my goal weight. I think I'm okay with that. I should be closer though, and that is what matters. I can't wait to get this brace off my neck and be able to add some more intense cardio to my workout as well as be able to do some strength training. I am going to ask for a weight bench and weights for Christmas this year. I really enjoyed it when I was doing the Body For Life challenge.
Today it is pouring buckets and cold. I hope that I get the energy up to walk because I usually don't bother with exercise during the weekend and I obviously should since I eat the most on the weekends and doing more during the week has helped my weightloss so much.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
10:51 AM
TGIF
Another week gone by. Yay! I soon will be back to work where dieting is so much easier. I won't have to face the temptations of my refrigerator all day.
I did so well yesterday, it is strange how when you are sick you just don't feel hungry. I don't get it. I wish I felt like that all the time.
I snuck on the scale again today. It is a ritual I usually weight myself on Thursdays and Fridays to prepare my mind for what will happen on the scale at Weight Watchers on Saturday. I know it is a bit crazy, but I can't stop myself. It appears that I have done very well for my efforts this week. I have to think it is the exercise. I have been very vigilant at keeping to the twice a week rule, all except for one day -- and of course today has not finished yet. I will do it though.
I got my butt out twice yesterday to walk and it felt good. I really felt like I was accomplishing something. Its really not that much, but compared to being completely sedentary I have to say it is doing the trick. Although I didn't have my weight recorded last week I had put on 300 grams up to 74.4, this morning the scale said 73.3, and that was without my usual clothes and shoes. But for some reason the scale at Weight Watchers generally weighs me on average 200 grams less than mine so I'm hopeful if I stick to the plan today that tomorrow's weigh-in will have me losing a kilo. Of course all that will be recorded is 6-700 grams. But I know the truth! And it is so rewarding because it reinforces my ambition. Instead of thinking poor me thoughts about being stuck at home, I can look back on the week and see that I can do this. It just takes a little bit more digging in and perseverance than it did when I was working.
The quiche turned out well except for one thing, for some reason the tbs spoon of flour I added to the mixture ended up just sticking to the bottom instead of being anything like a crust. I will just scrap that next time. I had read somewhere you can do that if you don't want pastry, but it tasted fine without a crust anyway. So here's my recipe:
Crustless Low-Fat Quiche:
220 grams of frozen spinach (thawed and well drained) Use regular spinach if you want, I don't think it will make much difference.
9 eggs
75 grams low fat cheese shredded (I used a cheese here called shape that has the fewest points, but if you are following weight watchers you will have to add in the points value of whatever cheese you use -- low-fat ricotta cheese is also nice)
3 points worth of rindless, low-fat bacon. I'm not sure if this is common in America, but we have a weight watchers kind and Castlemaine has one too.
1 medium onion chopped
1/2 cup skim milk
Mix eggs and milk with an electric mixer then stir in the rest of the ingredients.
Bake on medium high heat (ovens vary on this one) for about 20 minutes or until mixture is firm. You can use a traditional quiche dish or any ceramic baking dish deep enough. Be sure to spray the dish with a canola oil before pouring mixture in. Makes 4 servings about 5 points each (depending on your cheese choice).
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
10:13 AM
Surfing
I've spent some time web-surfing and found there are so many resources online for dieters and lots of other diet blogs to get ideas and inspiration from.
I also am proud of myself because I went walking today even though I feel under the weather. I walked to the supermarket and took the long way home, plus I plan to go for another walk this afternoon. I may have to go before mr ralph gets home because he can be a big baby when he doesn't feel well and if he says he doesn't want to go I may find it a good excuse to stay in too.
I snuck a peak at the scale this morning and it appears that even though my week has had its ups and downs with temptations galore I seem to be back on track for a small weight-loss at least. I have to be good on Friday night when we go out for drinks. I will only have the max 2 drinks and drink water for the duration. I don't plan on staying too late due to the flu or bug I seem to have, but I have to go because I promised my friend.
At least I am not dreading Saturday's weight-in like I was last week. This is good news.
Today I ate canned chicken soup for lunch. Since the cans were only 1 and 1/2 points each I ate two. Was pretty filling considering. I think the fact that my throat is very sore means I won't be craving the normal scratchy foods like crackers and biscuits. I read that dried foods aren't as good for you simply because they have to take the water out of them to get them in that dried state and they're usually more points for less quantity. It is true. I'd much rather eat 2 slices of bread than 8 squares of salada crackers. So if you're thinking of eating raisins, grab some grapes instead!
I'm going to make a low-fat quiche tonight and I am really looking forward to how tasty it will be.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
3:48 PM
Out of sight, out of mind
I am a firm believer in not having things in my home that I could be tempted to eat. Sometimes I mistakenly buy something that in a sense should be a good, low-fat thing, but when the whole bag, or box looms around I succumb to eating a lot more than I should.
This is why I don't like spending lots of time at my mother-in-law's house. She has a complete kitchen full of things I shouldn't eat. I somehow survived the day at her house without doing too much damage, but it was mentally exhausting.
The chocolate called to me, the full-fat cheese called my name, and mr ralph ate a number of bad things: frozen processed chicken pieces (which I had one), the cheese, and garlic bread with dinner (the loaded with fat prepackaged kind). My mum-in-law is always complaining about how fat she is and yet she does nothing about it. She eats crap all the time. She practically ate the entire garlic bread herself (after mr ralph had 2 pieces). That is like 5 points a small slice on the Weight Wathcer's plan. And I love that stuff! It was sitting in front of me on the table, just begging me to eat it.
During the day I found myself going to the refrigerator for no paticular reason and just looking at the chocolate and the cheese. She buys it in bulk so she has enough cheese for an army in her house, 3 points for 25 grams. Do you know what 25 grams looks like? A very small matchbox. In the past I could eat a whole block in one sitting with crackers and wine to wash it down with. I have to say that cheese is probably one of my
biggest food weaknesses.
I'm not a huge chocolate or sweet fan, but I'm human. When bored I think about food, and whatever is available is generally what I eat. I'm not that picky, but if there is chocolate I will eat it. Thankfully yesterday I didn't.
I survived the day with having eaten only 18 points. I actually used more points the night before when having some dessert and peanuts to end Tuesday with a total of 23 points.
I didn't walk yesterday because I was watching the election all day, and today doesn't look so good either. For one it is raining, and I seem to have come down with a virus of some kind. My glands in my throat are swollen and my body aches. Go figure. I may try to walk anyway if the rain lets up, but as you may have guessed since Bush is still President I may have ended up eating out of depression if I didn't feel so sick. So maybe the virus is a good thing.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
10:32 AM
Another day bites the dust
Yesterday was successful. I had 2 walks (one for 10 minutes and another for 20) and a 10 minute stint on the stationary bike. I'm burning more energy and consuming less. I ate 16 of the 20 points I am allowed. I couldn't believe how hard it was to just do 10 minutes on the bike. At one point I was going to the gym at least 4 times a week and working out for 45 minutes or more at a time.
It is so very depressing to be this inactive, but encouraging nonetheless that I am no longer allowing myself to use the recovery period as an excuse to sit on the couch all day long.
Today I went for a 20 minute walk just before lunch and hope to get on the bike again this afternoon. The evening walk may not happen since we will be my in-law's house for the night. Maybe I can talk mr ralph into going for a walk over there anyway.
The prawn salad from last night was a resounding success although mr ralph liked it more than I did. The entire meal was only 6 and 1/2 points and it was very filling. These new japanese noodles I used have a large serving size and since prawn has only 1 point per serving, it was ok to eat a lot of pasta. I think next time I will use a different style dressing. I prefer more savory things.
Tonight we will be eating stir-fry but at his mom's so I have no idea how that is going to turn out. Shouldn't be too bad though.
I'm thinking of taking some pancakes, they actually sell premade low fat pancakes in the supermarket here that you put in the toaster (just 2 points), and low-fat icecream for dessert because being at her house is horrible on my sweet tooth. She always has chocolate bars and all sorts of high-fat, sugar-laden treats just lying around.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
1:42 PM
This is not an excuse
I got up and went for a walk before breakfast. This is my plan. Everyday I will at least walk twice, once in the morning and once in the evening. My walk was very short this morning because I have pain in my neck and shoulders. I don't want to be a big baby, but it really has been uncomfortable lately. I don't know why, but I hope that it doesn't mean that I've done something wrong. Hopefully it is just because I was out on the weekend and didn't rest enough.
At least I got out of the house and walked. For that I can say I accomplished something.
Tonight I am making a sweet chili prawn asian salad. I hope it is yummy. I bought a pre-made marinade because every recipe I have found calls for one and I am too lazy to buy all the ingredients. Cooking gourmet low fat meals for 2 people is really hard when you are on a budget and don't want a lot of waste or leftovers. I as planning on making the low-fat quiche on Tuesday but we are having dinner with mr ralph's mum so we can get up early on Wednesday at her place and watch the US election. The quiche is crustless, but I think it will be very tasty and will be good to have around for those days when I want a quick lunch that doesn't take long to prepare.
It is almost lunch-time now.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
11:39 AM
Pictures
I wanted to put some before and after pictures here so you would have an idea of where I've come, but I don't have that many pictures on this laptop. All the ones I've got show me in a good light because lets face it, who wants a fat picture of themselves on the internet??
This is one of me from about February 2004 (around 10 kilos more than I weigh now).
This is me in September but I am still the same weight now as in this photograph, 74 kilos.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
11:01 AM
Afraid to be thin
I didn't lose weight this week. I basically gained a small amount (300 grams) and because I didn't want to be weighed I almost didn't go to my Weight Watchers meeting.
I did go though. I'm happy with the invention of the 'no weigh' card that allows you to not get on the scale if you don't want to. I am also glad I went because I needed some motivation.
I sat at home all day on Saturday reading my weight-loss magazines like Shape, Fitness, and Slimming. I was encouraged and although most of the day I stuck to a reasonable amount of points, I didn't mentally prepare myself for the party we went to that night.
In case you are new to what points are, the weight loss plan I am on assigns points values to all food and each person has a set # they can eat per day/week in order to achieve weight loss.
There was food and I ate with abandon. I drank a lot as well. I don't even know how many points I went over my allowance for the day.
Needless to say I am not very happy.
For some reason I see myself as fat as I was when I began, even though I'm two-thirds of the way to my goal. I am disgusted. I lack self-control. I've reached a point where I am starting to think I subconsciously am keeping myself from getting past this point. I am afraid to be thin.
Of course I have resolve to do well this week. I have allowed myself to sit on the couch all day and not utilize the time I have to my advantage. I should be walking everyday, twice a day! I can do that. Walking is not that hard and it doesn't hurt my neck.
I will do this. I want this so much. I can
taste it.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
1:57 AM
Hi. This blog used to be all about weight loss, but now it is more.
OMG! Kicking you when you're down, indeed. How freaking rude.
I'm so sorry you're in all this pain and helplessness. I don't have the right advice, but all I can say is to get your rest and forget about everything except feeling better. If you need to go for a walk, I say do it!
Don't let that stupid doctor ruin anything for you. You've come a long away and you've earned the right to show off your slimmer arms!!
I don't know who you are, or where you live. I found your blog when looking for a picture of a white suit. Google brought up an image that is apparently on your blog, and I thus happened upon your post.
Know that not everyone feels the same way, nor do they think the same thoughts. For my part, I honestly hope things work out for you, and I feel confident that they ultimately will. Asking me why I feel that way probably wouldn't do any good. The important thing is to never lose hope. That doctor was wrong in his ways, terribly wrong, but you can't let him get you down. Your world doesn't depend on the doctor or his opinions. Your world depends on you.
Good luck, and don't let anyone or anything get you down. Wear something sleeveless tomorrow, or even today--make it a point, just to defy your enemies. As you do, remember that whatever happens, you've got people rooting for you... and even though I have absolutely no idea who you are, know that I count myself as one of them.
Post a Comment