Day 6 - weigh-in ~ Miracles do happen!
I am on top of the world because finally the scale is showing that this detox and the extra exercise I've been doing is finally working. Wait for it....
I weighed-in at 66 kilos!! That's a loss of 800 grams since last Saturday! Yippie!! I couldn't believe it when I woke up this morning because yesterday the scales were stuck at 67. So how did this happen?
I have some theories, but if you are squeamish when it comes to bodily functions being discussed this is the time to stop reading.
First of all this morning I awoke to my period starting, which means that all the pre-menstrual bloat would have been happening the previous few days, and I also had 2 natural bowel movements in the early hours of my morning, this I believe is due to all the extra dark green vegetables I've been eating on the detox.
The reason I said natural bowel movements is because not long ago a good cup of coffee in the morning would get me going, but now that I'm not drinking anything other than water, orgnanic teas, or water... things are starting to move due to all the fibre I'm taking in. All the toxins are finally getting cleaned out.
I have to admit I'm loving this detox.
I found some gluten and wheat free museli bars today that are full of seeds and nuts and are oh so good. They're 2 1/2 points each, but I figure with all that good stuff in it I won't want more. I bought single serving packs of cashews today as well that are a 3/12 point snack, but worth it as well.
I found it difficult to reach my points last week so this week I should be a healthy way to help me reach it. Of course I still need to eat the same amount of veggies, which shouldn't be too hard. I may add the cashews to veggie stir fries just too spice it up some.
So there you have it. Just 3 kilos left go to go and baby nothing is going to stand in my way!
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
12:23 PM
Day 5 - Defiant
I got on the scale this morning only to discover that my weight has not budged. Not one itsy bitsy bit. I am still exactly the same as I was at my weigh-in on Saturday. All of my hard work with the detox and the extra exercise has not paid off..... yet.
Tomorrow may show some loss because it has happened before, but I'm not going to hold my breath.
You see this weight loss journey has been a very long one for me, and this is not the first bumpy road. Just before I got married I thought I would try to lose as much as possible as every woman does, but the 3 months leading up to it my body decided that 79 kilos was where it wanted to stay. I kept going to my WW meetings and I kept handing over my money, but somewhere along the way I exhausted myself and gave up, I got sick of seeing the numbers go up and down. I stopped keeping a food diary and I slipped backwards a bit. I stopped going to Weight Watchers.
This time I can already see what may lie ahead for me if I don't remain focused. I could easily slip up and allow this few weeks to turn into months and before I know it I'm 75 kilos again.
I'm not going to let it happen.
This time I will be victorious. I know that I will have to deal with weigh-in disappointments as they come, but this girl is not throwing in the towel. I've worked too hard and come too far to let anything stop me from being the girl I want to be, and that is at my goal weight.
And of course I am not going to stop the detox for anything.
I actually foresee next week being a lot better because I did have a bad weekend going into this detox, and now since I cannot eat anything bad for me the weekend shouldn't be hard to keep under control.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
3:58 PM
Day 4 - Cranky
Today I feel cranky. There is no other word for it. It is not because of the detox because I think I'm getting the hang of that, but I think my period is about to start. If it does, that would also mean that I will have a bad weigh-in because never fail when I am on my period I gain weight.
I'm not very happy about that but then I wouldn't be happy about much because you got it, I'm CRANKY. Nothing can go right today. You can ask mr. ralph, he will verify that for you.
I didn't walk yesterday, but I managed to go for a walk tonight for about 30 minutes.
The thing with this detox is because I am not allowed to eat too many things I wind up eating under my points allotment for the day. I could actually be eating less than I should so I've got to try to shop for more things that I can eat throughout the day to reach my points value. I don't want my body to think I am starving it and hold on to this weight even harder.
Here's a thought I had this morning: When you lose weight, where does it go?
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
6:40 PM
Day 2 - Oh Dear God!
I knew this was going to be somewhat tough, but I didn't expect last night. My husband was drinking the diet ciata (which he is allowed) and I kept staring at the glass imagining the taste of it.
There is something incredibly satisfying about how a really cold sparkling beverage tastes.
And I got the headache yesterday while mr. ralph and I were walking. We went up to the trail over at Waterfall Gully, but found it was closed for repairs and then decided to walk along the Torrens.
It was a gorgeous 45 minute walk and that made the day's total exercise for me 1 hour 15 minutes. That is the most I've done in one day in months! I also did some crunches and butt exercises in front of the TV later on.
Can you believe I was tired and hungry at 7:30 last night so I hopped into bed and soon after fell asleep? Maybe the lack of caffeine and sugar made me feel more zapped than usual after all that exercise? I don't know.
It was probably a good thing since you can see I'm writing this at 4:49 am and I am doing it without coffee. I have to leave here at 6am to catch the bus into work. I think today is going to be super hard as I watch everyone at work drinking coffee and cokes. Thankfully I found an organic vanilla flavored tea that is divine. This guy only allows organic teas which of course are caffeine free. But, I can do it, I'm sure it will get easier.
I've already committed myself to it so I have to do everything I can to see it through. Anyone else
(Argy) out there find they were really drained when fasting from sugar and caffeine?
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
4:46 AM
Day 1 - I miss coffee already
I know it is too soon to be complaining, but I seriously haven't been able to stop thinking about coffee and diet coke since I decided that yesterday's cup would be my last for the next 3 weeks. Just wait to see me when the headaches set in!
I got up and walked for 30 minutes even though I know that in a few hours mr ralph and I are going for a hike up in Waterfall Gully. This made me start thinking that I quite possibly have my groove back. To think I exercised and didn't make any excuses!
On this detox there is a special concoction you are meant to drink once a week that is to help your liver and Dr. Joshi recommends drinking it after a walk and then having at least 2 hours of relaxation time afterwards. I don't have that many mornings where I have that luxury so even though today is the first day of this thing I decide to drink it and get it over with for this week.
So I drank it after my walk this morning. You want to know what is in it don't you?
Well it is 300ml of fresh squeezed grapefruit & lemon juice, 200ml water, fresh ginger and garlic juice (squeezed from a garlic press) and 2tbs extra virgin olive oil. The pure acidic taste of the juice wasn't made more pleasant by the garlic and ginger. Afterwards he recommends drinking peppermint tea, which I am doing. I have to think although peppermint tea does aid in digestion, it could also be good in covering up the garlic stench breath I have right now.
I've actually burped garlic and ginger twice already. That wouldn't be good to do at work!
I was so hungry last night at my mum in laws because she made us tiny little hamburgers and normally she is very good and we have lots of veggies with our Sunday dinners. Last night there was nothing. A few lettuce leaves and a slice of tomato. I was starving! So I ate some rice crackers which didn't leave me doing so well for my Sunday points.
I'm trying not to let anything get me down. I did exercise yesterday and today and hopefully I will do it for the rest of the week too. There is already a huge difference in my attitude about it than a few weeks ago. I no longer feel like I have to drag myself out there, I'm enjoying it again. And this is a very good thing.
I am still trying to figure out if I am allowed lean bacon or not. Pork is not really considered a "red meat" is it? Anyone have any idea? I never fry my bacon and I never eat bacon that has fat on it, but I'm not sure if I should eat it during this 21 days or not. I really wish this guy's book was available now!
I'm thinking I may need to pre-order on Amazon.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
8:12 AM
The last meal
In case it wasn't clear, today was my last day before I begin the 21-day detox. This is mainly because the first thing I did when I woke up was eat an Anzac biscuit and drink a cup of coffee.
I didn't spend the day eating entirely bad, but for dinner tonight I did eat a hamburger with bread and I had a few dry biscuits as an afternoon snack.
Tomorrow it is the start of a strict regimen. I don't for a second believe it will be easy. But hopefully I can pull through.
I just read in mr. ralph's men's health magazine that they don't recommend doing a detox for more than 10 days, but I've got to give it a shot. If for some reason I have to bail around the 10 day mark this is what I will cite as my excuse. *wink*
Today I also did some skipping (150 skips) and ended the day with 45 minutes of cardio under my belt for the week. Only 5 more days to go!
Tomorrow's plan is a hike up to Waterfall Gully where we went a few weeks ago. I have to drag the hubs there kicking and screaming, but it is such a good workout and it has some great sites to boot.
Hope you all had a great weekend. I'm just glad that tomorrow is Anzac Day because I don't think I could handle my first caffeine free day if it were a work day.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
6:46 PM
New Plan of Attack
Yesterday was a very bad eating day, but then again it was the Super High Point day. As of today though, it is the last bad eating day I am allowed for 21 days.
I'm committing 3 weeks of my life to a detox diet. I got my inspiration from this month's
Madison magazine and
Dr. Joshi, diet guru for the stars, but I haven't bought his book because it isn't available until June so I am assembling my menu plans from the list of allowed foods they had in the magazine article.
The major things you are not allowed are Alcohol of any kind, Citrus fruits or any fruit other than banana's, Low fat yogurt, Regular or Skim milk, Sugar, Caffeine, Fizzy drinks, Gluten, Wheat, and Red Meat.
You are allowed gluten and wheat free bread [I bought some and it isn't very nice] as well as gluten and wheat free museli, but because I couldn't find any museli that was gluten and wheat free I decided to just buy plain rolled oats. Since you are allowed organic honey, I plan to eat that with the oats.
Also instead of skim milk you can have soy, rice, or goats milk. I've never tried it before but I bought my first soy milk product today. I plan to have that with the oats.
You are also allowed to eat natural yogurt so I bought some of that and will probably mix honey with it as well to help take away the bite.
This diet is very similar to the no-carb one I did back in January so I feel pretty confident I can do it. I've given up caffeine before, but I know it is going to be killer for at least the first few days as I have 1-2 cups a day plus diet coke.
I'm actually looking forward to this because I've become quite bored with the way I've been eating. Maybe this is why I have been finding this last few kilos so hard to lose.
I did a 30 minute power walk this morning so I already am on the right foot with my exercise. I plan to do something else this afternoon, maybe some strength exercises and more skipping. I have to be very careful now with the skipping and jogging because last night the pain returned in my sternum. The joints there are quite painful because of lack of use since the operation.
Other than that I'm feeling very optimistic.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
12:59 PM
Weigh-in April 23rd
There were of course more than a few possible titles for today's entry, but I went with the obvious.
So what have we all been waiting for? I weighed 67.8 kilos today, a loss of 200 grams. I now have 3.8 kilos remaining to lose before I hit my goal.
Of course I was disappointed, I would be lying if I said I was happy with that result, but as I said to mr. ralph as I was leaving the meeting, "it is better than nothing." And to that he smiled and said, "that's right."
As we were driving along I asked him if he was surprised that I wasn't more upset about the weigh-in and he said, "No, because I think you were prepared for it, but I also think you will have a much bigger loss this week."
What a great man I have.
All my crying and complaining this week inspired an
entry by a new reader of mine Meg. She along with a lot of others have been very helpful this week. I don't think I could have made it this far
and still be going without it. If you have the time it is a great entry to read, especially if you are losing weight.
Today I brought home with me a color copy of the application for the WW Slimmer of the Year Award. I thought if I put it somewhere in my house where I can see it everyday this will be an additional reminder that I have something immediate to aim for. Without that I could let this last few kilos linger too long, and I just don't want that to happen.
If I make it I of course will be over the moon, but if I don't, well, I can always apply next year. The thing is I will always be a former fat girl revamped into a healthier, thinner version. I have to settle in for the long-haul and know that this part, this is just the beginning even though it seems like I'm getting closer to the end.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
1:19 PM
Mmmm...Sacrelicious!
So here I am sitting at work on Friday afternoon. I feel scared of what tomorrow will bring with the weigh-in, simply because if I have no loss this week, I don't know how it is possible for me to reach my goal by May 20th.
I've worked fairly hard this week, and I just don't have it in me to work any harder.
I feel like a big baby right now crying out, "It's not fair!" But that is exactly how I feel.
I just want to see the end of this but I feel like there is no end in sight.
I've received several really encouraging comments and emails this week. I have tried to contact everyone personally, but if I haven't let me just say that the support I have been given is phenomenal. You don't know how important it has been because I have seriously been down in the dumps in a major way. No one should feel like giving up this close to goal!
After I wrote my morning entry I decided I would start my morning off right with a burst of exercise. I threw on my shoes and grabbed my skipping rope and was out the door.
I jogged down to a small park near my home and did around 200 skips alternating each session with lunges, and when I had finished that I jogged once around the park before going back home. All up I only spent about 20 minutes but it was high-impact and I was totally out of breath.
This effort really made me feel much better, because at least I know I am doing what I should be and not sitting around the house moping and bemoaning the fact that the weight is not peeling off.
Throughout the day I have been excellent with eating and have drunk around 3 1/ litres (5 600ml bottles)of water already.
My lunch and breakfast were purely protein and my snack was a lowfat yogurt. There is no reason why my body shouldn't let go of at least 500 grams at the very least for me this week.
This entry is more of a reminder to myself that I should not let what happens tomorrow make me feel shitty. If it does happen I could undermine another week by emotional eating on the weekend.
I've got to keep myself going, and expect to see real results soon.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
5:36 PM
It seems...
If today is an indication, it seems that I am have hit a bloody wall with my weight loss. A plateau?? I didn't think this was possible on the Wendie Plan??
Some say that your body can reach it's natural weight and from there it doesn't want to budge.
All I can say is I am not happy. I am actually feeling really angry. This week I've exercised 5 times and although I haven't been super diligent with my points, I haven't lost the plot entirely. For the most part I'm within the 18-20 point range on the Wendie Plan.
I'm working on getting myself together. I know I can't let this stop me, but it is seriously pissing me right off.
I thank you for all your support, I hope that my negative attitude doesn't rub off on all of you.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
6:32 AM
No pep
I don't know what happened to all the excited energy I had only a few days ago but right now I'm feeling scared.
I don't know if I can make it to goal by May 20th.
I hopped on the scale this morning and it is about 400 grams up from my last weigh-in. It really shouldn't have surprised me because I ate out last night for a goodbye dinner of one of mr. ralph's co-workers.
I tried to make good choices, but ended up eating 1/3 of a super salty pea and ham soup, 2 bites of the yummy crusty baguette that came with it, and 3/4 of a pesto chicken salad that was absolutely yummy, but crazy high in points. It had pear, roasted pumpkin, bacon, and fetta cheese in it.
I also drank 2 glasses of wine and 1/2 schooner of beer.
The bloat has set in and I know that the numbers on the scale today aren't really a true reflection of my week, and that by Saturday it will sing a different tune because I will drink my water and eat a lot fewer points over the next few days, hell I may even do some exercise....
But the point is I am feeling like it is just too hard. As I sat here and read about how
Ladymistree is going to shoot for her goal to apply for The Slimmer of the Year too, I started to feel overwhelmed with my own goal. I'm seriously doubting that I can do this. What if I've placed too high expectations on myself???
What if I fail??
Of course seeing a loss this week is crucial. If I can't manage a loss every single week up until May 20th, there is no way I will make it.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
5:52 AM
A piece of advice
I actually walked twice yesterday 2-30 minute power walking sessions! I totally rock. Today's entry is an email I composed because I received a question from one of my readers asking
what made me get serious about losing weight, and here was how I answered:
The moment that I said "enough is enough" was quite personal actually. I was having a bath and as I was really heavy most times I would just cover myself in bubbles so I wouldn't have to look at myself, but this paticular night I noticed for the first time that I had stretch marks forming on my stomach. This really freaked me out because as a young girl I've always had them on my hips and even the tops of my thighs, but my stomach had always been smaller than the rest of me and to me this was the moment of no return.
My mom had lost a lot of weight on Weight Watchers, and I don't believe you NEED to be on some weight loss program to do it, but it seriously helped me get focused. I also bought the Body For Life book by Bill Phillips. Although I haven't completely bought into his way of life (having a sculpted body was never my aim) he has a lot of good advice about eating and fat burning that really helped me. Plus the book is super motivational. I ate the way he said to for a good 6 months and did the workouts too because I lived at home and had the time to do it and I lost steadily (although not rapidly).
Dr. Phil's book is also full of good advice and very motivational. He even has a section for people who have medical reasons why they can't lose weight.
I guess the biggest piece of advice I can give is to stick with it. It has taken me a few years but each step along the way I had periods where I simply maintained my weight by continuing to eat healthy, but not focusing on the numbers because "losing" was just too hard. If I had ever gone back to my old lifestyle I wouldn't be here today.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
5:59 AM
Only Tuesday?
I know it is only Tuesday, but so far I am pretty pleased with my efforts. I did the walk on Sunday (and I haven't exercised on the weekend in sooo long) and I actually went jogging/walking last night before Desperate Housewives was on. It was dark and cold, but I dressed warm and mr. ralph went with me.
Also, yesterday I ate a lot of veggies and stuck to my super low point day without going over.
Can you tell I'm very happy?
I also have been lifted up by everyone who has responded to my
Help Me Win plea. You guys are simply the best, and I believe that my including all of your comments in my application will do more at showing my weight loss journey than anything else because this is where it all happens for me.
I come here to complain and whinge, I come here to get motivated, I read all of your journals to know that I am not alone in this journey. Without the weight loss blogs I don't really know if I would have stuck with this through the struggle. Remember back
when it all began? I had a lot of
reasons to stay on the couch.
Having somewhere to go when I was having a down day really changed the attitude I had post-op. I could have felt sorry for myself and I didn't. As I go back and reread old entries I realise I was a lot stronger than I even knew at the time.
So thanks for being my shining stars. I love you guys. I really do.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
8:09 AM
Kill the lazy monster
So it is dark outside and I don't want to go walking. I did go yesterday which was really out of character. I walked for 35 minutes and it felt great.
The plan is to go tonight. I know that if I have to ride the bus this is going to be tough, because as soon as the sun goes down I just want to stay inside.
My weekend eating was all over the place. I tried to be pretty good yesterday, but I still ate over the Wendie Plan amount for 18 points a day.
What I need to do this week is focus on getting back to basics. That is why I changed the look of this place.
I bought a lot of veggies yesterday and plan to eat tons of them when I feel hungry, especially on days like today because it is my super low point day.
I know I can do this, I just need to focus. I didn't realise how hard losing this last 4 kilos was going to be, but I'm ready for it now.
I know that not exercising would just make it harder. Lets hope that the next entry you read will be one in which I feel victorious over the LAZY monster that lives inside me.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
5:49 AM
Sunday Fun
What was the last... [taken from
To Whom It May Concern] Please put your answers in the comment section.
1) ... gift that someone gave you? Was it for a special occasion or just out of the blue? What's the last gift that you have given to someone else, and why? Did they like it?
The last gift that I was given was a framed set of butterfly fossils. It was part of a trio of gifts my lovely man gave me for my 30th birthday. The last gift I gave someone else was a necklace I made for her birthday. From what I could see, she liked it. But she hasn't worn it yet...2) ... time that you took a walk? Where did you go? Did you walk with someone or go alone? Did you see anything interesting along the way? Do you enjoy walking as a form of exercise?
The last walk I took was Friday morning. I was by myself because the man slept in, but I walked around our neighborhood for exercise. I enjoy walking for exercise because you can do it anywhere, anytime, and it is free.3) ... thing that you thought of before going to bed last night? Why was it on your mind? Did you sleep well last night? Did you have any dreams?
I was thinking about some drama that happened between two of my friends on Friday night. They are sisters and I was worried because neither of them have rung me to tell me how they are doing. I slept well and remember dreaming about my cat for some reason.4) ... day of high school like for you? What were your feelings on that day? Do you still keep in touch with any high school friends?
The last day of high school is a bit blurry in my memory, but I remember feeling very strange to be leaving the place I had spent so much time at. I don't have any contact with anyone that was in the same class as me because I had always moved around and none of them were that close to me. I do have contact with others that are older than me.5) ... phone call you made? To whom, and how long did you talk? Are you on the phone often? How many phones do you have at home?
The last call I made was just an hour ago to my mother in the US. She had rung me last night so I was calling her back. We try to catch up at least once a week or every other week on the weekend. We talked for about half an hour. The rates are expensive but we talk often enough that we don't have lots to say. We have 2 land line phones and 2 mobile phones. I don't usually talk on the phone a lot.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
9:38 AM
Help me win
I got this idea from one of my new readers
Claire, who said to me in an email that if public votes are needed for
The Slimmer of the Year competition she wanted me to let her know.
Well, public votes aren't really part of it, but they do say at the end of the application that if there is anything we want to add we can attach additional pages.
I don't normally seek out compliments, but I would do anything to win this award, so here is my idea, in the comment section of this entry please finish the following sentence:
I think ms. ralph should win The Weight Watcher's Slimmer of The Year award because ________________.
If you don't want to share it here in the comment section, you can email it to me at suckingitin at gmail dot com, and if you need some time to think it over, I will be moving a link to this entry to the right side-bar up until I have placed my entry.
Thanks for your help.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
8:20 PM
Unofficial Weigh-in April 16th
I am not going to my WW meeting today mainly because I haven't lost any weight this week, and I feel like the bottom of an ash tray with a extra large headache to boot. I stink of cigarette smoke from going out last night, and no I don't smoke. Let me tell ya, that is the worst thing about going out for a dance. Gives me a bad headache as well.
I did weigh myself on my scale and it is approximately the same as last week, give or take a few 100 grams. So I'm calling it even.
I actually did up my exercise this week by about 30% so I don't know what happened on the scale. I seriously did not fathom that what I ate last weekend was enough to keep me from losing, but I guess those mysterious points (that is what happens when you don't track them) added up to a hell of a lot more than I thought.
So how is this getting me any closer to my goal? Good question.
Things have simply got to change this week.
I think inside my head I've relaxed, not just a little bit, but a lot. I've gotten really complacent about everything, not just exercise. I'm starting to feel really good in my skin, and the drive is just not there.
I look in the mirror and I actually feel pretty damn good. Well, you know there is the few times that I feel like the thighs could use a good toning and I could stand to drop a few inches here and there, but overall I feel satisfied with my weight.
All this means is that I need to readjust my thinking. I set this WW goal for a reason, and if I don't reach it I can't be
The Slimmer of The Year, so things need to change this week.
I need to get back some ambition. I thought I had a hold of it, but last week I think I was just so damn happy to be 67 kilos that I acted like a person who doesn't have to watch what they eat.
I can't let that happen. I have to see this thing through. I made a commitment to myself that this time I would reach my goal and stay there.
So watch this space for renovations this week, because we're cranking it up a notch.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
9:00 AM
Missed opportunities
This week has been crazy.
I haven't been able to do as much exercise as I would have liked because a few unplanned events kept me from it.
Last night I was planning to walk after work but a friend of mine needed someone to sit in for her and get a manicure as part her friend's exam. She was stuck and really needed someone, plus it was free. But, it meant that I didn't get home until late last night and then felt too tired to walk this morning.
So of course I told myself I would walk this afternoon, but then this morning the person I carpool with told me that she couldn't give me a ride home tonight so I had to catch the bus and by the time I arrived home it was raining and already getting dark.
I feel so defeated. I hope it is not raining tomorrow morning because I need to get this together.
And to make the day even worse, payroll has taken another large sum of money from my check without telling me why and by the time I left work they still had not gotten back with me to tell me what the hell was going on.
I'm not very impressed with having money missing from my check two pay periods in a row. And I'm really not impressed with how long it is taking them to sort it out.
On top of all of that, I have huge knots all in my upper
trapezius that is making my life sheer hell.
So you can see today I am not in the most cheery of moods, but I am not forgetting my goal. I can still see the end in sight.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
7:50 PM
A trip down memory lane
Hello to all of you all of you coming via
Michele, thanks for stopping by and I only hope it was worth the trip over.
I began reading through the questions on the Slimmer of The Year application today. Of course there are so many things I want to include, but I can't possibly write everything I want to or they will be getting a novel.
When I started thinking of how long I have been overweight and the reasons I struggled for so long with food and weight issues a lot of memories came back to me.
I've been challanged by my weight for most of my life. Granted some of that time I only
thought I was fat when I really wasn't. The point is that I have been fat inside my head for as long as I can remember.
One of the most shameful and embarrassing moments was when I was 15 and some of the boys in my class thought it was funny to sing "thunder, thunder, thunder thighs hooooooo!" when they saw me coming to the tune of the cartoon "Thunder Cats."
That experience really hurt even though I tried to ignore them, every time I heard them singing I wanted to crawl inside a hole and hide.
I still have to remind myself that this is really happening to me, I am actually going to reach my goal, and this is only the beginning of the rest of my life. I have all the tools to stay here now. I've lost large amounts of weight in the past, but I've never truly been where I am today before.
This time is different because I've made it here through hard work. I have spent the last few years relearning and reconditioning my attitude towards food. I've learned a lot about myself and have grown stronger emotionally through the process.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
7:43 PM
All it takes is determination
I got my butt up this morning and did a 20-minute walk/jog, and it was still DARK outside. You proud of me?? Sure you are!
I didn't do so well with my eating on the weekend, but this is not going to stand in my way. I know that in order to push through and lose more than what I've been averaging since Christmas (500-800 grams a week) I have got to stick to the Wendie Plan for the rest of this week and to my new lower points intake of 18 a day as well as
exercise.
I said the dreaded word, but it is true.
I can do this.
I have decided that there will be no excuses. I will apply to be this year's WW Slimmer of The Year. I can't let anything stand in my way.
Thanks to all of you for getting behind me with this. Your support is so crucial because I am feeling high and on top of the world right now, but I know there will be days that I will feel like giving up the fight when I will start thinking it is
just to hard and I know I will be going back and reading all your wonderful encouraging comments.
So far so good. And of course I am just so excited I can hardly wait for the week to finish so I can see some great results.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
5:51 AM
Wow, just W O W
I couldn't believe it when I last checked there were 11 comments on yesterday's entry. And the weekend's are usually very slow around the blogosphere, at least around here.
I can't thank you guys enough for the overwhelming support you give me. I seriously don't think I could have done so well without you.
Also, as if I needed another reason to apply for Slimmer of The Year, check out the
prizes. I could definately handle some new George clothes, the trip sounds fantastic, and the photo-shoot?? Heaven!
I am going to do this people. I will make my goal and get that application in the mail by the deadline of May 20th. I just have to. I'd be crazy not to give this my full attention to make sure it happens. 4 kilos/8.8 pounds is not going to stand in my way!
They don't leave a lot of space on the entry form for long-winded answers but say at the end that if you want to attach more pages you can. I think I am going to work on my entry to make sure it is perfect and truly reflects my whole weight loss journey. I of course will put it here for all of you to read when it is finished.
Thanks again babies, you are wonderful!
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
10:34 AM
Weigh-in April 9th
I weighed-in today at an amazing 67 kilos! Wow!! Do you know what this means? I am only 4 kilos away from my goal. 4 kilos. Also, this week I lost the 500 grams I gained over Easter, and am now at a record low.
One of the women that works at my meeting asked me how close I was to goal and she said, "I knew when you came back to the meeting when you were still wearing your neck brace that you were going to do it this time." She said, "I can always tell by the way a person walks in the room, by the way that the carry themselves, and it was obvious that this time you were determined to reach your goal."
That was one of the best compliments I've received.
The meeting was exceptionally BORING today. My leader is quite possibly the worst WW leader in the entire world. It was obvious she didn't even prepare for today's meeting and was just repeating things she had read in the latest WW magazine.
I could have read that on my own. I get more inspiration and helpful hints about weight loss from your blogs than I do anything this woman says.
Weight Watcher's slimmer of the year applications are being taken for 2005, but in order to apply you have to reach goal before May. That is not long away, but I really would like to apply.
So that means I have to kick it into overdrive and get this last 4 kilos gone.
So that is my goal. I'm not 100% sure I can do it, but damn if I'm not going to try.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
11:16 AM
A Friday Update
I wanted to update this morning but blogger was being a pain in the behind.
Thanks for letting me know about my typo in my upper arm inches. Could you just see me walking around with upper arms the same size as my thighs?? That would be hilarious especially since my thighs are somewhat enormous anyway.
I have tried to get myself motivated towards exercise, but I have been so tired. I know it sounds like an excuse, but I have not been the same at all since my fusion in late September and then the inevitable return to full-time hours at work.
I just cant seem to get the energy up to even take a walk. Of course exercise was easy when I was working part-time, but now it seems like I literally have to FORCE myself out the door.
I was home at a decent hour in the early afternoon on Thursday so I went out for a walk, if I'm a really good girl I will do the same this afternoon when I get home.
I need to make myself up a schedule and stick to it next week because I am so good at making up excuses as to why I can't exercise.
I hopefully will have a loss to report tomorrow morning, although I'm sure if I do it won't be much. I'd be happy to lose the 500 grams I gained last week, but I'd take anything at this point.
I've been pretty good with my eating, except for the Cadbury Caramello Egg I ate yesterday. But I had to pick up something at the chemist and there they were, calling out to me. It was pretty yummy too I must add.
Oh and I had half of one of mr. ralph's choccies I bought him because he had a stressful day and I know how much he loves mint lindt balls. It was sooo creamy and delectable.
I received an email from one of my lurking readers this morning that was so uplifting. She told me how much I encourage her.
To tell you the truth I was really speechless after reading it. Half of the reason I write this is because I know that there are so many people out there in similar situations, just looking for someone to identify with so that they don't feel alone in this weightloss struggle.
The other half is just so I can keep myself motivated by reporting any happiness as well as frustrations; I am inspired constantly by all of you and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for letting me be a part of your week.
Let's hear it for the weekend!
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
1:30 PM
Beck's Challange
I have joined up with the girls for
Beck's 6 week belly buster challange.
I didn't do it so much because I have a big belly, but I did it to simply challenge myself.
I seriously need some encouragement to get off my keester and get moving.
It would be very silly of me to join a challange and then not exercise wouldn't it?
Monday I did a little bit of power walking (in the city walking to my massage), but other than the squats and crunches I did to figure out how many I could do in one sitting I didn't do much else.
What a slacker I am.
So I will be reporting more regularly here about the challange because I need to see my inches to improve. Especially the thigh and arm ones.
I bought a size 10 pair of cream colored business suit pants and they fit everywhere but in the thigh. Yuck. Not a pretty sight.
I was really impressed with how big or small I should say my waist is. I can't remember ever seeing a number lower than 30 something.
I was also impressed with my hip measurement although beck didn't ask for it.
I didnt keep my measurements from the beginning but boy do I wish I had.
So here are my measurements as of Monday:
Neck: 13in
U/Arm: 12in
Bust: 34in
Waist: 29in
Tummy: 31in
Hips: 36in
(not that long ago that # was 45+)Thigh: 22in
Calf: 15in
Ankle: 9in
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
7:00 AM
On never dieting again
So I finished the book
Good Girls Do Swallow, by Rachel Oakes Ash [link contains a great interview with the writer]. I've put a picture up down in the lower right hand corner. This book was very good for so many reasons. If only just to remind me that I am not alone in my food and body obsessions.
Mine are no where near as extreme as the writer's as I have never binged or purged. If you are a binge eater, I highly recommend this book to you. It is not very long either so you can't use the excuse that you just don't have a lot of time to read.
The writer mentions the way she treated herself is by joining the
never diet again crowd. She mentions
Geneen Roth, who I have read and love, as well as this other book I mentioned a few weeks ago,
When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies.
I don't think there is anything wrong with the concept of never dieting again, but I don't think I am ready to tell myself it is okay to chocolate cake everyday and stop worrying about the amount of food I consume in a week's time.
I don't want to fill my house with all the foods I love, (ie: french fries, chips, bread, doughnuts etc) because I know that if it is readily available I will eat it a lot, and I will gain weight.
I know that they say eventually you will be in tune to your own hunger and the weight will naturally fall off as you learn to only eat what you need, but am I crazy for not wanting to give up the control I have by simply not surrounding myself with temptation?
I eat a lot. I don't tell myself there are "forbidden foods", I never binge eat because I feel deprived. I eat fast food when I want it, but I still spend most of my week monitoring my food intake so that I don't gain weight.
But then again I don't consider what I am doing a "diet". When these books talk about never "dieting" again they are not talking about people who have made a change in their life to embark on a healthy eating plan. They're talking about people who starve themselves for periods of time only to backslide and "binge eat" when they feel the full extent of their deprivation. People who diet to extremes may do well to follow the advice of these books.
There are some very interesting statistics Rachel includes in her book. The one I am most interested in is the one that says only about 5% of people who lose weight actually keep it off. I want to be in that 5%. I want the things I am learning about food and weight-control to stay with me for life.
This is not some fad for me. I am not losing weight to look for that miracle to cure my life and make me feel beautiful and successful. I know that even now, at almost 40 kilos down from my heaviest weight I still have emotional issues that will not go away.
Being thin is not the answer to all my problems.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
8:54 AM
last night
I bought this new pair of levi's yesterday, they're not exactly bell bottoms, but the legs are really large at the bottom. I don't know what the technical name is, but after sucking my breath in (no pun intended), they zipped up. I had to buy them though. I never thought this kind of jeans would look good on me. So even though they were so tight I could just barely breathe, I wore them out last night.
I used the self timer since mr. ralph wasn't around to take the pics for me, but here is what I looked like:
It was an okay night. I got to dance a little bit and I didn't drink too much because I was worried about spending too much money. I've now decided that wearing heels when one is going out to dance is no longer an option. I need to find a nice looking pair of flat shoes or really short heeled shoes to wear when I go dancing. Plus my toes got crushed three times, and one of the times was by a huge guy that left a black tred mark across my poor little foot.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
9:14 AM
weigh-in April 2nd
Well this comes as no surprise. I weighed-in at 67.8 kilos. That is a half a kilo gain, which I think is my first gain since Christmas if my memory is right.
I am not happy that I gained weight, but I am happy that it wasn't more than that.
I bought this great book today called Good Girls Do Swallow. It is written by an Australian woman and it is about what else... dieting.
I've started reading it already and it looks like it is going to be a terrific book.
I'm going out tonight with one of my friends and I plan to drink a few drinks and let my hair down. I'm back on track though, don't you worry. Today is my super high point day of my Wendie Plan. So a few drinks won't hurt.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
2:38 PM
In a funk
If you could see me right now, you'd see the cloud above my head. It is gorgeous and sunny everywhere else, but raining on me.
I have/had one more entry I needed to do to finish off the trip, but I was getting tired of writing about it, and I think you're probably getting tired of hearing about it. You read about one entry about our trip and you've pretty much read it all. I know your comments are sweet and kind, but I think tackling one entry per day of the trip was a little bit much.
At the moment I'm not feeling so great.
For one thing my weight is up and this time there is no mistake. I knew that this was going to be in the cards when I went away and drank and ate up big time, but I somehow held onto hope that I could get it all under control and at least maintain my weight by tomorrow's weigh-in.
If today's weight is any indication, I will have a gain of about 6-800 grams. This is okay of course. It is not the end of the world. I can take that right back off in one week's time, and I'm sure I will. But inside my head it is a defeat, and I hate feeling defeated.
Plus although I've been trying to keep my daily points under 15 since returning from my trip, I've not been very successful. I've been very hungry and yesterday ate bread for lunch and dinner. That is such a rarity for me these days that is is sure indication that my body, or my mind thinks it is missing some nutrients.
Also, work is driving me absolutely nuts.
Yesterday I noticed on my payslip that for some mysterious reason, payroll decided to deduct around $300 from my pay without any indication as to why. So I called them and the guy told me after fumbling around that he thinks that there is some mix up between HR and the insurance company that is paying my work-cover and that it seems that I now owe the company money. Plus he was under the impression from a letter he received that I was only working 18 hours (when I have been full time for this entire month).
As I picked my jaw up off the floor I knew I couldn't just work without getting it sorted so I spoke to HR, I spoke to my team leader, and I spoke to the insurance company. Finally we all figured out the problem is that the insurance company has an incorrect rate of pay for me from when my company had been paying me at an incorrect rate last year. Even though I took steps to try to fix this, nothing was ever done and now that it is affecting them (ie the insurance company will not pay more than the rate they have on file) they need to do something about it.
It is not even my problem, but what really angers me is the fact that this guy just decided to deduct money from my pay without even alerting me. He didn't even say he made a mistake or that he was sorry. But he is putting the money in my bank account today thankfully. But sometimes the utter incompetence of people really galls me. What if I hadn't openned my pay slip and just assumed all was good??
After that little mishap I then had a small email run in with one of the team leaders that I dislike. She tried to be coy and patronize me in her email, but she only ended up looking stupid (at least to me) because I know she doesn't know what the hell she is talking about when she tries to pretend to know more than me about my job. She is a team leader who couldn't take a call if her life depended on it. What a dumbass. And how these people end up in leadership I have no idea. I've never worked for a company who had so many idiots in management before in my life.
I'm beginning to wonder if it is getting close to that time of the month for me, because every little thing is seriously pissing me off.
I'm sorry if today you came here for motivation, because I'm running on empty people. I'm totally useless today.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
6:12 AM
Hi. This blog used to be all about weight loss, but now it is more.
Hi Michele sent me and keep it up!! The hard work always pays off in smaller clothes :)
CONGRATS!!! So close to goal!! With the detox and the green veggies...it'll be a piece of cake!!
Congrats! You go girl!!!
Hi! The veggies would certainly have helped with the bowel movements, but I find it's the period starting that seems to really push things along. Both the uterus and the bowel wall are made of smooth muscle and they seem to work in tandem at times. Isn't biology fun? Good work on the detox!
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