Stats
I weighed myself on Saturday morning at home. I didn't go to ww. Why? I just didn't feel like it. I know that I should have, but I didn't. I know they will accept me back next week. I was 66.8, which if you see to the right is 600 grams lighter than my last weigh-in, but that was almost 3 weeks ago.
So I'm not doing that great on the weight loss scene. I am not surprised given the amount of drama that has been going on in my life.
I did eat like crazy yesterday, but I also went to a Mexican dinner party and haven't eaten at a dinner party in so long I thought why not? There was nothing healthy to eat, and I didn't care either. I know that I'll be okay, even if I gain again.
I know where I want to go. I know I will eventually get there. I know summer is on its way and as the warmer days start to pour in, I will get the exercise bug again. I know that when I contemplate short pants and tank tops and bathing suits that my mind will once again be 100% focused on losing this last 5 kilos. But at the moment I'm doing ok. I'm not obsessed with it, but I'm not eating badly all week long either. Most of my week is very healthy.
I've discovered I love bran cereal and a small banana with skim milk for breakfast, tuna and mixed beans with a lot of salad makes a good lunch, snacks aren't hard with light yogurt and le rice as well as fruit. I'm eating mostly just meat and veggies with the occasional rice for dinner. I've actually begun to wonder if I eat far too little during the week and then far too much on the weekend, like this wendie plan may not be working out for me anymore. Maybe I should go back to 20 points a day and leave it at that.
This week I plan to make myself walk to bus stops that are at least 20 minutes away and take my gym shoes to work every day. I will exercise. I will work harder because I want to. I will use this extra time for my health.
My first physio appointment was on Thursday and it went well, but I was very sore afterwards for a few days. It does take a lot out of you. She did a small amount of mobilization and manipulation by touching spots on my neck. I was told to do a few exercises with my face that strengthen neck muscles. She said she is going to address my trunk and midsection at our next meeting which is Wednesday.
She ordered me this wonderful pillow that costs $240 and have asked my Work Cover insurance if they will pay for it. I hope to god they do because this thing was amazing. It molds to the shape of your head and will probably help release a lot of pressure that gets put on my spine at night. Even though I already have a physio recommended pillow, this one is nothing compared to the one I have now.
I read this on the back of the door in the loo last night of my workmates house where we had the dinner party and it made me want to share it with you guys. You may have already read these before or heard them, but it doesn't hurt to be reminded. I've colored the ones that touch me the most right now.
By:Maya AngelouI've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.
I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.
I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life."I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.
I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back.
I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.
I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
10:30 AM
And now for some good news
I had a slight scare with my raise at work. I had been told it was going to be backdated to the 1st of July (which is awesome!) But then they came back to me later and said that it wouldn't. I fought for myself and now, around a week later they've finally agreed to pay me for July. My increase is around $400 a month (by my calculations) so I needed to fight hard because I deserve it.
I'm taking another trip to Melbourne the weekend of the 10th and this time staying in a luxury hotel suite with 2 girlfriends. I felt I deserved a bit of luxury this time around since the last time was so bad. I don't plan on running into mr. ralph's friend, at all. But if one of you happens to want to meet up, we can. The only thing is, I haven't told my friends about this site so we'd have to say we met on msn or some other thing...
I think I may have lost a wee bit of weight this week. I forgot to mention that I didn't weigh in at weight watchers last week but I did go to the meeting. I explained to my lovely girls who work my meeting that I probably had blown up like a fish because of the meds and when I told them about the new bulge they all went crazy feeling bad for me. They were with me right through the other operation. So they even told me I don't have to pay for the next few weeks if I don't want to. Talk about support!
I've decided that if I make it to goal by the end of Summer I will be happy. Crap, if I can manage to stay this weight (67 kilos) for the rest of my life I probably won't be sad about it.
I had a bad public transport experience last night, and ended up taking 2 hours to get home from work when I got off at 6 pm. But practice makes perfect and I know what to do now. I need to always take my gym shoes, and always walk to the main drag where busses are every 15 minutes. The one that comes down the street of my work is unreliable. It never showed up last night, and wasted me precious relaxation time. Thank God mr. ralph loaned me the ipod, and it wasn't raining. See, silver linings all over the place!
The people that matter most ot me at work have been very supportive. Most of them don't know anything about the story because I technically work in a different area from said bitchy carpooler. The ones I know she has been chatting too have just simply been ignoring me, and that is fine with me too. They've never been my friends really, and good riddance to anyone who wants to be that way.
I am so just so grateful for all the support I've gotten here, and at home from mr. ralph. Plus one of the women on my team (the one I gave the plant to in the end) has been a real life savior. She took me into the city 2 days this week and said she can whenever she is going that way and we are on the same shift. We're going to her home tomorrow night for a Mexican dinner party. I felt so honored she invited me and mr. ralph. Also, my team leader happens to live out my way and is giving me a lift this morning. I don't think I will make it a regular thing because it makes me feel weird to ride with my superior, but it was a relief after the 2 hour ordeal last night.
Hope to report a loss to you later after my Saturday weigh-in. See you on the lighter side.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
6:09 AM
And the Saga Continues...
So I gave her the plant and the card, but I placed them on her desk while she was getting her morning coffee. By the way, the ride to work was excruciating. She onlu spole to me in one word responses. I thought if the gift didn't soften her up, I would definitely be better off on the bus.
About 5 minutes later I hear her calling my name from behind at my desk and I turned around to see her standing there with the plant in her hand. She set it down on my desk saying, "I cannot accept this." I was more than a little stunned and said, "What? Why? Did you read my card?" And she said, "Yes, and I accept the card but I cannot accept the gift becaise it makes me feel as if you are trying to buy me off."
There I was, still with puffy eyes from crying too much, staring back at her and again saying, "But did you read my card?" She walked away saying "Thank you, but I accept it."
Then one of my joyful teammates came in saying "Oh what I beautiful plant!", but then she saw my face. She came over to give me a hug and few more tears escaped my eyes.
I gave the plant to Judi. She loves it. It is one of those new hybrid pointsettas that is blue and yellow. It is so gorgeous, but I'd probably kill it if I kept it. It was meant as a peace offering, it needed a good home.
So what does that mean? I've thought about it a lot. And most of your comments are spot on. She does obviously have problems that are more far-reaching than my oversleeping for one day. She has probably tried to justify this to herself by saying that I am ungrateful. I'm sure she has told all of her work-mates that I was late everyd ay etc. Who knows? I've decided to get a tough skin on this one because, you know what?, I don't like any of those catty women anyway. It is the reason I stopped eating lunch with them ages ago. It was the reason I was the first to raise my hand to move teams when the offer came.
Was it right that I apologized for something that I had no need to? Probably not.
Beckie from last entry's comments was also right that I allowed her to have control over my emotions. I am sure that is what bothered me the most, that she could make me feel so awful when she is the shitty person. One of the traits I've developed since my sexual abuse is that I absolutely hate being controlled by anyone in anyway. And yesterday I think what upset me the most was I felt like I had given her control to do that.
How did I end it? Well I wrote a polite email telling her that I didn't think there was anything I could do to make her see how I felt and that as I am an imposition to her that I should find another way to and from work. What was her response? "I completely agree." The moron agreed that she didn't want me to ride with her anymore.
I think it was something a long time coming. She only kept me on as a car-pooler to keep her spot. At our work if you don't carpool, or pay a shitload of money you don't get an assigned parking space and parking is really shitty.
A few weeks ago she found someone else she can pick up and has sense decided I am dispensable. That's fine. In truth she was really just a more convenience way for me to get to work. I've accepted my fate that with public transport since I am the one that has decided against getting an Australian driver's license. I don't want to drive to my work every day anyway. I'd have to find a parking space.
I've already come up with a huge list of positives. First of all I no longer have to listen to her drivel. I constantly had to put up with her narrow mindedness and be polite when I didn't want to be. I am free of her smell. I'm not just trying to be rude to someone who has hurt me, but she is a very large woman (probably 200 kilos or more) and often wore the same clothes 2 to 3 days a week and often in the car, especially in summer, stunk.
Also when I began riding with her was when I gave up my gym membership since I had a direct ride home I no longer took the bus from the city that went to my gym. Now I have an excuse to rejoin and get back into it. I also have an excuse to get off the bus early on sunny days and walk the rest of the way home. The gym bag is coming out of the grave and carrying my tennis shoes to work with me! Hooray!
As for the way she thinks of me, or the way she is conveying me to the crowd of catty followers? I do feel bad about that, but there is nothing I can do to prevent it. If they wanted to know the truth they'd ask me, if they knew me at all they would know that I am a good person. I am a much better person than anyone who gossips behind someone's back and then smiles a "hello" only when they walk past their desk.
So that's it. End of story. Hopefully I can successfully erase her from my mind. I didn't tell her what a bitch I thought she was or how horrible a person she is, but I really don't think I need to. If she doesn't already feel bad there is really nothing I can say to do that, and as well she is not worth my time. Let karma bite her in the bum.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
7:07 AM
From left field
Yesterday the woman that I ride to work with really threw me for a loop. I don't talk about her that much because we have zip in common. A lot of times she frustrates me because she is the kind of person that only talks and never listens. I've learned to just ask her 1 question about her and she will talk the entire way to and from work and I don't have to worry about making conversation.
But yesterday... You see I had this gut feeling she was mad with me but she had not told me about it. Instead she has been quiet in the car, even when I ask her the questions. So I sent her an email at work early on (say 7:40ish) and she never responded to it.
This was not a good sign, but I tried not to let it bother me. I was so tired yesterday that I felt ill.
So when we got in the car to go home she flew into me. She told me she was angry at me because I didn't apologize to her for a day last week that I overslept. I was taken aback because not only did I apologize, but I thought I had done so more than once. I spoke to her on my way to log in (as I was late to work) and then emailed her to say how sorry I was and thankful that she had rung because I was sound asleep. These pain meds have been hard to control and that particular morning mr. ralph had set his ipod (for the first time) as my alarm clock and the sound was on 0.
Talk about craziness. When I asked about the email she just flicked me off saying it was not an apology in her eyes and that she feels I just
expect her to come and get me. Then she said that if I am not waiting for her by the curb when she drives past from now on she is going to leave me behind (as if I am a chronic last person).
Now I admittedly have been the occasional few minutes (1%) late walking out to the car, but 80% of the time I am waiting for her; and the other 19% we show up at the curb at exactly the same time.
I was so tired and in such shock that I just began to cry. I already know that she is a very bullheaded and thick person from previous experience so in her mind she had spent an entire weekend convincing herself that I am an ungrateful chronic late person that takes advantage of her.
It is so far from the truth though. I always thank her, I never say anything when she is 5-10 minutes late while I am waiting on the corner in the cold, or rain for her. I always pay her even though she doesn't ask. I give her presents on her birthday and at Christmas (she has given me one gift ever).
I cried in silence for a long time because she actually called me her daughter's name by accident and then corrected herself and said she didn't want "drama" She said, "you wanted to know what was wrong so I told you. It is over now. If you want me to pick you up just be on time, otherwise I won't. I already have a 19 year old that acts just the same as you."
Unbelievable. This woman was scolding me as if I was a child throwing a tantrum when I was undeniably hurting.
Closer to my house I told her it hurt me very deeply that she thinks I am ungrateful for what she does for me and how sorry I am, and what did she say? "I already said I don't want drama if you aren't on time I won't stop. That's it. I have nothing else to say."
So just like that she refused to accept that I was sorry.
I couldn't stop crying. I cried for 4 hours and did not eat my dinner. I went to bed at 9:30 with a screaming headache and now I have too huge puffy eyes.
I didn't know what to do. Instincts tell me to tell her to fuck off. I can ride the bus, yes it is an inconvenience, but I could do it. I did it before I met her. I could post an email on the server at work message boards looking for someone else in my area who would be happy to take my $ for gas.
And although I still may do all of that I did what most will think is stupid. I bought her a plant and a card. I wrote everything that was the opposite of what I think and feel because I know this is what she wants to hear. She wants me to grovel, to take my penance for being so "ungrateful". I will give this to her tomorrow and then I will ride with her in silence until I find someone else to take me to work.
If it is unbearable after the groveling I will politely tell her I don't need a ride anymore.
I hate groveling to someone who is so thick and stupid and who treated me like a dog when I was crying, but I did this because I am the better person. When she reads my card maybe, just maybe she will feel guilt for the way she treated me.
But there is something I believe in more than anything else and that is Karma. It will come back to her. She will see how wrong she is, or she wont. But one day she will feel what I felt last night.
So because I couldn't sleep I am up early. I will be waiting outside 10 minutes early for her, lest she come early and use an excuse to leave me and make me late for work.
Maybe tomorrow afternoon I will have had an apology, but I doubt it. It takes a very stupid person to not see someone else in pain and not feel for them. She caused me so much agony with how she treated me and yet did not flinch. I find that my tenderhearted nature is sometimes a curse or a blessing. Yesterday it was a curse.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
4:48 AM
Virtual ms ralph?
So this is what my virtual model (with my current weight I swear) would look like (in my dreams!) in a bikini.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
8:24 PM
Emotional Eating is Here Again
Remember how I wanted to change my eating habits on Saturdays so I would stop feeling so bad going into the week and maybe, just maybe have better losses? Well it will have to wait another week now because yesterday I ate an entire Snitzel, with mushroom gravy, and chips. For afternoon tea, I had half a box of Cadbury's Roses. Dinner thankfully wasn't that bad, I had 2 slices of toast with a poached egg, but along the side I had 4 glasses of wine.
I'm in the shittiest mood ever.
The CT scan was scheduled by my regular doctor (the semi-retired one I mentioned earlier) and she saw me again Saturday after the test was done. You see my surgeon ordered one for the 6th of September, but because I was in so much pain and wouldn't see me, we did what we had to do.
As it turns out his fusion is fucking beautiful. Gorgeous work Doc! You're an absolute brilliant surgeon, a bit shite with people, but the man has steady hands! Got to give it up for the C-man.
But low and behold [drum roll please] on the left side around c-5 (if memory serves me) I have another bulge.
Yes you heard it right. Another bulge.
Of course my doctor tried her best to keep me calm and from going into hysterics in her office. Because what in the fuck am I meant to do now? How does this happen to one person?
She explained that maybe I've been over compensating since the other injury and if the disc was already worn (as I remember the great surgeon said I had more than one disc that was worn way back in the beginning) then it probably was from over usage.
Her advice was to keep my next appointment with the arsehole and please remember to tell him to cancel his CT scan because we have one now, and to find out what he will recommend.
She doesn't think I will need surgery. "A lot of people have these and after a while on medication it gets better."
Deep breath. "That was what I was told last time."
"Yes dear, but last time it was
a lot worse. This one is not very bad and is only bulging a small amount. You're feeling the nerve root being aggravated, but once it settles down you won't feel that anymore."
So what do I have to do? I have to go back to my shite job on Monday, the place that all probability is causing my spine to fall apart.
Great! Happy Days!
You may have already realised that my eating is out the window. I haven't put anything in my mouth today yet except for some coffee.
I Really Want To Get These Feelings Under Control.
But it is hard.
After I got home I sat on my couch and cried. My husband wants to help. He took me op-shopping because he knows I like it, but at the moment I don't know what to do with myself. I'm grumpy and all I want to do is cry. I just can't take it anymore.
I wanted this to be over.
I don't even know what I am doing that is causing this shit to happen to me.
And I can't see a chiropractor, at least I don't think, because I beleive they specialise in bones, and my problem is my discs. I will call the physio that was assigned to me at work and see if she would mind setting up an appointment with me to discuss if there is anything at all I can do to help/prevent this from getting worse.
That is all.
Cheerio.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
9:35 AM
The end of my rope
There are no words to describe how much I hate the medical practice in Australia, but let me see if I can give it a go.
We all know that for the past few weeks I've had increasing pain in my shoulders, paticularly the left side. Well on Tuesday night I couldn't sleep because the pain was so intense and nothing was helping. It felt exactly like the kind of pain I had before when they discovered I had a bulging disc.
At the emergency room they gave me some oxycodone (which apparently is one of the strongest pain medicines they are allowed to administer) and all it did folks is make me sleepy. The pain was still there. Then they told me that I should ring my surgeon the following day to see what I should do.
I spoke to his secretary who told me she would speak to him and ring me back. Of course she had not rung me by 4pm so I had to ring her and she "was just about to ring me..." What did the bastard have to say? He doesn't think it is related to the fusion he performed so therefore I should go to my GP and ask for analgesic.
?????
So late in the afternoon my doctor wasn't available of course but I was in a lot of pain so I thought I would take my chances on seeing someone new. Bad Idea. Capital B, Capital I.
I go to a practice that is just down the street from my normal one and end up waiting an extra 30 minutes because the receptionist couldn't add me to their computer data base, when a very grumpy looking man came out and asked me to his office. He sat down and said, "What is wrong?" I said "Well, it is sort of a long story.." And he interrupted me with a look and said, "you will need to shorten it." Right then he pissed me off. I was angry. I was in pain, and this guy was my last hope?
So I said, "OK. I have nerve pain in my left shoulder." Then he said, "How long have you had this pain?" I'm starting to think now, do I tell him the whole story or not? I begin to try to tell him about the surgery etc and I told him about the emergency room visit and how oxycodone wasn't helping me with the pain when he interrupted me and said, "That is a strong pain killer, I don't know what you think I can do for you."
Gasp.
"Well, I spoke to my surgeon's secretary today who said that he doesn't feel it is related to his fusion so therefore I needed to see a GP."
Again, "I don't know what I can do for you, your surgeon needs to be the one taking care of you, I understand.." I now interrupted him and said, "I don't think you do understand, I was told to come to see a GP, and I believe I need a scan to see what is going on in my neck." After it sunk in that this man was not going to help me I said, "I don't know why I came here at all."
The man started to say again, "I know this must be very frustrating for you..." but I didn't wait around to hear what else the fucker had to say because I grabbed my purse and left. Without turning around I said rather sarcastically, "thank you for your time." I should have said, "Where did you get your license to practice medicine? A cereal box?"
I was so angry and had tears coming down my face that I almost forgot my medicare card, but I went right back in and demanded it from the shitty receptionist. The guy didn't even try to stop me from leaving. It was obvious he had better things to do with his time than help someone who is in pain.
I'm about to cry right now as I write this because I cannot for the life of me fathom why the doctor's in Australia are so awful.
There has been one doctor that has been any help to me at all and she is a little old lady who only works part time because she is retired. I have an appointment to see her today, but I honestly don't know what will happen.
I need a scan, this is obvious to me. I realize the pain is on the other side to where it was previously. But all I've done is work. That is all. This has got to be work related. Maybe it is another disc that was wearing and has finally reached its tether? How the hell am I to know? But the fact that nobody wants to help me is making me go insane.
Insane I tell you.
If I don't write for a few days, nay weeks you can assume that I went postal and that I had to be restrained. Seriously. That doctor from last night has not heard the last of me. I will make his life hell. I will have him under investigation for being a rat-bastard doctor who shouldn't be practicing medicine.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
9:46 AM
Weigh-in for Saturday Aug 6th
Although I wanted to see more of a loss, I have to say the fact that I'm going back down is a relief in itself. I weighed in at 67.4 kg and had a loss for the week of 300 grams.
I did have difficulty getting my mind back into weight-loss mode. I'd been coasting along for a few weeks and it takes time to stop the bad habits and reintroduce new ones.
I am amazed at the response to my post from Friday morning. It is such a good feeling to know that I've helped some of my readers begin to deal with their own feelings. I've tried writing to everyone that I had email addresses for, but Khazzy if you are still reading, I hope you know that if you want someone to talk things through with I would be happy to be there for you.
Plus I had obligated myself to go see a
Goldclass movie with my mum-in-law (it was her mother's day gift from us) and she had asked me during the week if she could redeem it this weekend.
I was in such a state I tell you. I had a mind splitting headache, you know the kind where everything around you just vibrates off your head when you are walking? And I had to survive on around 4 hours sleep. All I wanted was to go to bed.
I somehow made it through
Monster In Law (that Jane Fonda has still got it ladies) but after that my mood was very shitty. I was grumpy and sleepy and I couldn't put on the shiny happy face. We ended up eating dinner at Fasta Pasta, and although I had an entree serve it was probably still too much food for me.
I still haven't bought Flickr, and now I think I need to do a little calculating on the finances before I buy it. I have a girls weekend in the Baroosa and the very next weekend in Melbourne coming up at the end of this month, and to be able to pay for that I need to watch the cash.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
8:53 AM
A nice surprise
I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but Australians are a bit different when it comes to weight loss. They're very private and compliments and comments aren't as forthcoming as they'd be in the US where everyone is on a diet, thinking about going on a diet etc.
Yesterday I received an email from one of my co-workers and this is what she wrote:
Hey Becca. A quite personal thing really. I cannot help notice how great you look. Diversity aside, I am sick of being fat. Can you please let me know how I join Weight Watchers as it seems, with your will power, and their help, you have achieved as well as maintained your ideal weight.
When she say's "diversity aside" she is referring to the company policy of not saying anything that someone else may find offensive. They're very strict about it. I had to giggle about that, but I was so encouraged. I know it took a lot for her to reach out to me, and I was so happy that people see me as an example.
Argy's
recent entry has really struck a chord with me and made me think about my own issues relating to sexual abuse and how it has impacted my life.
Too often I want to push the feelings aside and not deal with it because I don't want to be reminded of the helpless little girl. I don't want to hear what she has to say because it hurts too much.
I've been out of therapy for a while, and the truth is I need to get myself into it again, but I've been putting it off.
My issues with eating began quite early. Because most of my memory of the actual events relating to my grandfather abusing me have been blacked out by my subconscious, I'm not sure how young I was when he started hurting me. I had to be very young, preschool aged, maybe even an infant.
For no reason today I was reminded of a humiliating experience from childhood. I was a swan in our class play in the 3rd grade and although I don't remember being "fat", or worrying about it, my mother bought me a pair of tights that were too small and forced me to wear them even though I couldn't pull them up. She was mad at me because I couldn't fit into them and I remember her making me cry because she said I was too fat.
I don't know what her exact words were, I just remember feeling so embarrassed and ashamed. Those 2 feelings have been with me for the majority of my life.
There is so much shame to carry when you are molested, too much dirtiness.
You feel sick because even though you know it is wrong, you can't control feeling pleasure from it. Your body betrays you. You feel you are to blame. You feel you should never be allowed to be attractive, otherwise others may want to do this to you as well; so you eat.
You eat to hide, you eat to smother your feelings, you eat to disguise your body. Food can make the feelings go away temporarily. When you are fat then you can blame all your problems on being fat. Men don't want you when you are fat, you don't have to deal with your sexuality.
When I did embrace my sexuality I went crazy. It was the same behaviour except I replaced food with sex. I wanted to be loved, I wanted to feel loved. I thought sex was the only way how. I still sometimes have a very blurred sense of the difference between being loved, and being wanted. I fear this will never be undone completely.
I can celebrate that I have made great strides in overcoming the past. I don't write this today for your sympathy, nor do I use it as an excuse for anything that goes wrong in my life. I do not want to be seen as a victim, but a survivor.
I unquestionably believe that the past is the past, it is what we do with today that matters.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
6:40 AM
My cup overflows
I woke up earlier than I needed to today, but it is dark outside. Instead of going for a walk in the dark I decided to check out my comments from this week. I think that it is the best thing that I could have done.
You guys are amazing. I truly have no idea what I would do without you.
I am feeling so encouraged. Also a close friend of mine made me feel great earlier this week when I told her about the gain. She told me that I am her inspiration for losing weight, and she is using me as her role model.
And
Beckie you are right to remind me of being 105 kilos. Sometimes it is easy to forget that I was once that large when now my worries are trying to make sure I can still wear my size 10 pants. It is remarkable to be 67 kilos, an amazing blessing.
It is unreal this journey I've been on. I guess I worry a lot that I will slip up and gain it all back. This frightens me so much. But it is wise to remember where I've come from and look back in a positive way to celebrate my accomplishments.
Yesterday, my almost always sweet mr. ralph told me as I was leaving for work that if there was a best dressed at my job he thinks I'd win it. It made me smile to myself. I think I've always been a clothes horse, and I've got a gift for bargain shopping. I know what looks good on me. When people compliment my clothes I always think to myself, "that is my thing." Like some people have the gift of being funny. And it is, it makes me feel very good to receive such nice compliments.
For you my beautiful
Argy, I will model a few of my favorite outfits (and amaze you with the price tags) as soon as I purchase the
Flickr Pro Account. Hopefully this will happen this weekend.
I've slowly made a few changes this week. Had a huge chicken salad for dinner on Monday and loved it so much had it again for lunch yesterday. Tonight I'm making dinner for my mum-in-law so hopefully I will succeed in pleasing her palate with my low-fat Tuscan Meatballs. I serve it up with low-GI rice instead of pasta, and will have lots of veggies with it.
I've also walked a few times, although not as much as I once did. I know it is going to take me a while to get back to the frequency I need, but I'm working on it.
I know this may sound too ooshy gooshy, but I have had my cup overflow today, and I really needed it. Thanks again to all of you!
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
5:45 AM
Hi. This blog used to be all about weight loss, but now it is more.
'people will never forget how you made them feel'
thank you for that. i will carry it with me throughout my day and hopefully beyond (but i have such a poor memory and will likely forget, sigh)
I have missed you too!!!! Much much much!!!
And you are so right. Soon it will be spring for you (and fall for me yuck!) and you only need a few kilos to get to goal. Tank tops and bikinis are indeed a great inspiration!
You are so right! It is so much harder in the long, cold, dark parts of winter and spring and summer will kick in and suddenly exercising and drinking water are much easier. We should move around the world so that we never have to experience a winter!
Thanks for those words. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Mya Angelo's wisdom.
Glad to hear about your physio session. May it all be uphill from here!
We are just heading into fall here in Canada (I am not looking forward to trying to stay motivated through six months of winter!)
I find that I feel a million times more inclined to exercise when the weather is warm. Hopefully you can send me some summertime vibes to keep me on track as I start into hibernation mode :) LOL.
Take care and I hope that things keep improving in regards to your physio!
Your entry made me chuckle... I am exactly the opposite of you -- winter is when I am much better about exercise, general fitness, and eating. Summer keeps me preoccupied because it is so hot and bright, but winter is just right.
Plus, it gets really cold where I am at, and moving around is better than big heating bills. :)
I'm envious that you are moving into summer. Summer & fall are my two favorite seasons.
I love the saying - very true.
now do come and post some, will you?
;)
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