Howdy
Sometimes you just need to make a decision. I have come to the conclusion that all this navel gazing really isn't getting me anywhere.
Weighed myself on Friday. 73 kilos. Wow. Holy Christ!
That is 7 kilos above my lowest weight to date. This gaining has gotten totally out of hand. I have to take control now.
I don't want to whinge and complain anymore about how shitty my life has been, how the problems of my past creep up and bite me in the ass, but the fact is it does happen. I was coasting along and then one day *BAM*.
Eating right? Counting calories/kilojules? Exercising? All out the window.
But today I went for a walk. I have decided that I know what I need to do. Eating right and exercising will benefit me in this fight for my sanity. I dont know why when I start to feel the doom and gloom I give up the very things that could in fact make me feel better. Go figure.
I miss my friends,
Beck,
Airlie,
Argy. I love you guys. And everyone else I really do appreciate your well wishes. I will get through this, even if it is kicking and screaming.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
10:06 AM
It is not you, its me
I know it seems like I am avoiding you. It is not just that I don't want to write, it is that I don't want to deal with any of this. I don't know what I weigh. I think I may find out tomorrow, or not.
I have been stressed out lately. Don't know if I am depressed or just meh.
Sigh.
The Australian Biggest Loser program isn't as good as the US one. I haven't seen very much that actually inspires me. A lot of bitching etc. It is pathetic. I liked the idea of the show because I thought it would be helpful for those with weight problems. I don't know that it is.
Things are meh all over the place. My relationship with mr ralph also needs much attention. I feel like crap.
I know I shouldn't wallow. I am sorry for wallowing. But I wanted to update you on how things are going.
I also have a lot of pain right now in my neck/shoulders. I am beginning to see a pattern for when I feel bad and have stress and the amount of pain I have. I also haven't been walking much.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
11:33 AM
Where have I been?
I would also like to know.
What is going on with me? I am in avoidance. I weighed myself today, and it probably wasn't a good idea since for dinner last night we ate salty hot chips and dim sims. So healthy!
The salt alone could be a factor, but I am way up on the scale. I am not even going to share the # with you.
Why am I like this? What is going on with me?
I actually have been experiencing a slump, seeping back into depression. How is that possible when I have been taking my medication? I don't know. I have been avoiding all the things that are good for me. I have not been to the physio, I cancelled my appointment with R. this week.
Maybe I did that because I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to say how horribly I am doing.
I wish I could say that I am feeling positive that I can change this dark mood around, but I am not.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
9:06 AM
Nobody likes the monkey?
Not one little comment about how cute he is? :(
My Buckley was in a fight this morning and he has a hurt ear, neck and leg. We had to take him to the vet for injections. The poor boy has a fever and is not well!
He is just like a child to us so it was hard to hear him wailing and crying while the vet cleaned him up. She had to shave the spots so we could see how deep the scratches/bites were.
I am still staying away from the scale. I want to rejoin Weight Watchers but haven't really made the effort to get myself to a meeting.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
10:54 AM
You have to love a monkey
I just wanted to share this picture with everyone because sometimes you just need an excuse to smile.
I am sending all my love and wonderful thoughts to Airlie.
Airlie you are so beautiful inside and out, and if there is anything I can do for you right now, you know my phone #. I have lost yours though!
My heart goes out to you.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
6:21 AM
Another year older and what have you done?
Yesterday was the official day of my birth. What a wonderful day I had! When I woke up mr. ralph made me breakfast in bed. It was a healthy one too: wholegrain toast, poached egg and lean bacon. What a good boy!
The he gave me his pressie, a gift certificte to a bead shop in the city markets. He knew I had the day off and it was the perfect gift. I spent a few hours there making that gorgeous necklace you see me wearing in the pic.
After spending some time around the city I realised I hadn't had any lunch but knew I was getting a treat to go out for dinner.
And boy was it ever a treat! After getting dressed up and getting in the taxi I saw the business card of the place (mr. ralph was trying to keep it secret) as he handed it to the driver.
We went to the
Lenzerheide. This was my 3rd time to eat there. Talk about fantastic! We both had their special soup for a starter. It is the most delish potato/bacon soup ever made. Then I had fish and mr. ralph had some kind of stuffed chicken. I had a bite. Yum. And I did have some dessert but we split it.
I had a few birthday messages, one left on here from
Beck (thanks beautiful), an email from my brother, a phone call from the brother-in-law, a hug and myer voucher from the mum-in-law, and an sms left by a gorgeous new friend at work.
It was a wonderful day. Oh and I even weighed myself and low and behold I weighed what my blog says I do. 70.4 kilos. I was a bit relieved to be down from 71.4. That is all.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
4:15 AM
Hi. This blog used to be all about weight loss, but now it is more.
"will get through this, kicking and screaming"
Damn! Your will is a thing of beauty. And it's an inspiration. Props to you!
Yes, it is interesting how we all can get sidetracked and not do what we know full well what will get us out of the rut. I'm right there with you. But here's the great part about it -- you now recognize it. You couldn't have said that before you started out on this journey, could you have? Not with the conviction in your voice. So pat yourself on the back and get out there and get back into the swing of things. You'll feel better all the way around. Heh. That's my own mantra. Funny how it fits elsewhere, eh? :) You can do this and I'll be here working right along with you, rooting you on! :)
Sweet, gorgeous woman.. I miss you too. We should all move to the same city. Wanna? hehe
It's a 'blah' kinda of month really isn't it? All round.
Does it help to know Im in the same boat (gaining at a fast rate), and really have felt no pull to improve myself lately.
I'm here. Anytime you need to call, call. ANYTIME.
Lots of love and squeezes,
Beckie
xox
You are aware of the problems and I know you will get through this and on top on the other side!
I miss you too gorgeous! There are times lately I surely miss myself too!
I had a great 3 days away, and I am back home today, but still have the day off, and I am going to do all the things Ihave procrastinated forever, and get this 'spring cleaning" feeling!
I think all of us who has been in this journey for too long, miss the zest of a beginner. So how bout we set our minds to NOW? As if we were never more than 100 kilos?
As if we JUST decided to lose weight?
New? Fresh approach?
Are you in?
I love that pic:)
I like what Argy said - like we sit around and just decide to lose weight...
Seriously, I'm inspired by your walking today. You are going to get through this!
How easy is it to put weight on?
Very easy I say.
I have put on weigh too & what a shock it is! But I am upping the exercise now & getting on with getting to goal finally.
Have a great day!
you are missed!!!!
i think we should arrange some sort of interational convention so we can all get together and kick and scream and eat cake together. WHOOPS i mean do an invigorating cardio vascular workout together.
Where are youuuuuuu?
*squashes nose on screen*
yes, you will. and on the other side you will shine brighter than ever.
You're in my thoughts and prayers, sweet girl. I know things will get better for you and that you will find ways to take care of yourself (mentally and physically) as you move toward your goals.
hey girl, atleast you are still in the race! I understand how you feel though! I do the same thing, so we gotta just hang in there and keep moving!
you okay?
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