I still feel like I should be doing more.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
9:18 AM
9:18 AM
Wednesday, July 26
Wine? Yes please!
I didn't do as well on Tuesday as Wednesday with my eating, but it is because we went to a lodge dinner last night. I did well and choose the Barramundi, although it was served with hollandaise sauce! It was delish! Oh it was so yummy. The major downfall of my eating was having wine. I had no willpower at all when it came to the alcohol. Sparkpeople says I should eat between 1200 and 1550 calories a day and yesterday I stayed just under that. I also walked for over an hour.
I still feel like I should be doing more.
I still feel like I should be doing more.
Tuesday, July 25
Resisting temptation
I went walking today.. and as I approached the McDonalds I thought about going in and just getting an ice-cream cone. I had not eaten yet and was starving, but I knew if I went in I would probably buy something else like a hamburger or frenchfries.
I didn't do it. I resisted and kept walking. It was actually very hard to do, but I did it.
I didn't do it. I resisted and kept walking. It was actually very hard to do, but I did it.
6 Comments:
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Shannin said...
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Congrats on walking past the Evil Arches. I'm sure it was tough but a small victory... Good luck on your 2 week leave. I just came back from 2 weeks of vacation - very needed!!
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cdb said...
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It's difficult to resist those tasty little cones, but you did really well to do so! Hope you have a great few weeks off.
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Adam said...
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"The Evil Arches" - I LOVE IT!!
Keep up the good work on not giving in to temptation! :-) -
hellkitten said...
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Good for you! That's one problem I have - will power. I'm horrible at it. :oP
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TC said...
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Good for you! It is in those little victories we will win this battle!
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paw search said...
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Dont I know that feeling!
Except my puny willpower usually ends up winning!!
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
1:30 PM
1:30 PM
Progress is good
When you aren't feeling very happy with your body, the last thing you should do is go try on clothes. Does anyone else who lives in Australia find it amazing how jeans are all sized differently? In one brand/style a size 12 is loose and fits nice, in another the size 14 is too tight. So frustrating!
But let us get to the good news. The report for yesterday is good. I did well for the first day, but could have exercised more. I ate 4651 KJ/1105 calories.
As for exercise I walked for around 30 minutes. I should have done more. I was going to walk home from the city, but decided it was too dark and cold. During the day it was beautiful though. I am thinking pretty seriously about walking right after I finish this entry.
On the writing front, I think I have a few ideas flowing. I think I will just write and worry about the details later, it seems better that way. And for those of you interested in my subject matter, it is actually going to be a novel based on bits and pieces from my life, with the majority of it being fictionalised.
But let us get to the good news. The report for yesterday is good. I did well for the first day, but could have exercised more. I ate 4651 KJ/1105 calories.
As for exercise I walked for around 30 minutes. I should have done more. I was going to walk home from the city, but decided it was too dark and cold. During the day it was beautiful though. I am thinking pretty seriously about walking right after I finish this entry.
On the writing front, I think I have a few ideas flowing. I think I will just write and worry about the details later, it seems better that way. And for those of you interested in my subject matter, it is actually going to be a novel based on bits and pieces from my life, with the majority of it being fictionalised.
1 Comments:
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Janet said...
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I'm here to tell you that sizes in America can be very misleading, too. I think this is one of the reasons men don't understand how hard it is for women to shop. All sizes are not created equal!
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
8:08 AM
8:08 AM
Sunday, July 23
Size matters
What is the difference between an AU10 and an AU12?
-Desire
-Time
-Effort
-Commitment
-Exercise
-around 5 kilos give or take...
That list could go on and on, but what I really want to say this: I am sick of not being able to wear my size 10 clothes!
I knew this was going to happen to me. When I hovered around 67 kilos and was wearing a lot of size 10 clothes. I got burnt out. I was sick of it all. I couldn't reach 63 kilos and I literally gave up.
Now I don't know how much I weigh, my guess is around 70-73. Thankfully I wear size 12 very comfortably and don't need to buy new clothes...
But I want to be where I was again. I liked being thinner, I felt better.
The last few months I have been in serious denial. I avoid the clothes I know I can't wear in my closet (wardrobe) and I tell myself that I am still beautiful. I'm not anywhere near as fat as I was when I moved here.
Last night I ate a seafood basket when we were out. We all know what that is right? Fried fish, scallops, calamari... Afterwards I had a mental talk with myself. It went a little like this:
I probably said a few horrible things to myself too, about how disgusting I am. Mr. ralph told me the other day, "I wish you wouldn't talk to yourself like that. Maybe you should say I am getting thinner, instead of I am so fat."
I started to think about that, and the man has a point. Obviously all the negativity I am spewing on myself isn't helping me.
I have 2 weeks leave starting Monday. I have decided to use my time to organize myself. I am going to be my own personal trainer. I am going to get a move on and start exercising daily. I am going to work up a food plan that is doable, one that doesn't leave me completely deprived and looking for snacks on day 3. I know what I can do during the work day and I will find a way to make it doable exercise wise too. I know what I need to do. I can't afford to go back to Weight Watchers, but I don't need to. I have all the tools.
Today I am doing the shopping. So that means I need to plan what I will be eating, now. I am trying to decide if I want to go low-carb. I think I do because in the past eating more lean protein has been good for me. It keeps me fuller.
The main thing I know I will need to eliminate from my current diet that is going to be the toughest is wine. I love my wine, especially on the nights when I am alone. This is a problem. I know that alcohol is a crutch, a lot like food for me it comforts me.
My issues are numerous right now. But it would be stupid of me to let these things get the best of me. I am strong enough to take control of this. If I get started now, I may be into my size 10's by summer... And you know if I am depressed about the size of my legs and arms now, when I have to put on my bathers it is going to get much worse. I can't avoid bathers either because I love the warm sun on my skin so much. Curses! I guess I better get my shit together now then.
There is also another thing I want to do during my 2 weeks off. I want to start writing my book. I have lots of material. Can you believe that lately I burst into tears at work? Too much emotions all bottled up. I need to write it all down. I have a best-seller just waiting to be written. Will I actually write? I don't know. That is the plan.
I will at the very least chronicle my 2 weeks here. I plan to write at least once a day. This is going to keep me honest and I have always been more committed when I have been writing.
-Desire
-Time
-Effort
-Commitment
-Exercise
-around 5 kilos give or take...
That list could go on and on, but what I really want to say this: I am sick of not being able to wear my size 10 clothes!
I knew this was going to happen to me. When I hovered around 67 kilos and was wearing a lot of size 10 clothes. I got burnt out. I was sick of it all. I couldn't reach 63 kilos and I literally gave up.
Now I don't know how much I weigh, my guess is around 70-73. Thankfully I wear size 12 very comfortably and don't need to buy new clothes...
But I want to be where I was again. I liked being thinner, I felt better.
The last few months I have been in serious denial. I avoid the clothes I know I can't wear in my closet (wardrobe) and I tell myself that I am still beautiful. I'm not anywhere near as fat as I was when I moved here.
Last night I ate a seafood basket when we were out. We all know what that is right? Fried fish, scallops, calamari... Afterwards I had a mental talk with myself. It went a little like this:
Do you really need to eat like this? Wouldn't you have been happy with the Salmon? You need to get a hold of your eating now or you will be buying new clothes. You won't like that! You can't afford that!
I probably said a few horrible things to myself too, about how disgusting I am. Mr. ralph told me the other day, "I wish you wouldn't talk to yourself like that. Maybe you should say I am getting thinner, instead of I am so fat."
I started to think about that, and the man has a point. Obviously all the negativity I am spewing on myself isn't helping me.
I have 2 weeks leave starting Monday. I have decided to use my time to organize myself. I am going to be my own personal trainer. I am going to get a move on and start exercising daily. I am going to work up a food plan that is doable, one that doesn't leave me completely deprived and looking for snacks on day 3. I know what I can do during the work day and I will find a way to make it doable exercise wise too. I know what I need to do. I can't afford to go back to Weight Watchers, but I don't need to. I have all the tools.
Today I am doing the shopping. So that means I need to plan what I will be eating, now. I am trying to decide if I want to go low-carb. I think I do because in the past eating more lean protein has been good for me. It keeps me fuller.
The main thing I know I will need to eliminate from my current diet that is going to be the toughest is wine. I love my wine, especially on the nights when I am alone. This is a problem. I know that alcohol is a crutch, a lot like food for me it comforts me.
My issues are numerous right now. But it would be stupid of me to let these things get the best of me. I am strong enough to take control of this. If I get started now, I may be into my size 10's by summer... And you know if I am depressed about the size of my legs and arms now, when I have to put on my bathers it is going to get much worse. I can't avoid bathers either because I love the warm sun on my skin so much. Curses! I guess I better get my shit together now then.
There is also another thing I want to do during my 2 weeks off. I want to start writing my book. I have lots of material. Can you believe that lately I burst into tears at work? Too much emotions all bottled up. I need to write it all down. I have a best-seller just waiting to be written. Will I actually write? I don't know. That is the plan.
I will at the very least chronicle my 2 weeks here. I plan to write at least once a day. This is going to keep me honest and I have always been more committed when I have been writing.
3 Comments:
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Lidian said...
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I can really relate to everything you wrote in this post - sounds a lot like where I am at now. Trying on the clothes that were baggy on me last summer and I miss that feeling but it is so hard not to have treats when I fel I deserve them (a lot just now, as I am under a lot of stress). Plus also the book I was working on so nicely this spring (though all in various haphazard chunks)? Not so much right now. I feel lazy and yet I need to write,I really do! I am looking forward to hearing how your 2 weeks are going - your plans all sound really good. And please tell us a little about your book, unless it is too personal (I can totally inderstand that, so please forgive me if that is out of line, I kind of have a huge problem talking about my book even to DH so, um, there you go)
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said...
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You will get through this.
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Ask the Coach said...
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I'm so glad you keep mentioning planning. It's job one, when it comes to weight loss or anything else worthwhile. All the best.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
9:17 AM
9:17 AM
Saturday, July 8
Being Good is so Hard
Last night I ate Singapore noodles and fried rice from my favorite Asian place. Mr. ralph and I have been so broke for the last couple of months that spending $35 on take-away is a luxury. So we did it last night. I shouldn't have eaten the whole serve, but I did. My tummy ached from the fullness.
The plan was that this weekend things will be different. I will exercise, and I will eat healthy. So this morning after being woke up by the Big Cat, Buckley twice I got my butt out of bed, put on my walking gear and hit the street. It was a cold, wet morning. I really did not want to be walking. The first 10 minutes were the hardest.
Along the way I did stop a few times to look at the Salvos shop and have a coffee. Walking down the main road I went past so many temptations: a bakery, where I could smell the bread baking; McDonald's where I could smell the hashbrowns being fried in canola oil; and finally the last one, a cafe, where I stopped and ate and had my coffee.
Why is it so hard to lead a healthy life?
You know I actually like healthy food. I love grilled fish, chicken, salads, vegetables. I don't have a problem eating things that are good for me. What is the problem then? Flat out laziness. I've stopped pre-planning my meals. I end up sleeping too late and not having a proper breakfast. I don't make my lunch. I am too lazy to even prepare salads or vegetables to take to work with me.
I need to plan for this week. I will conquer this. If I could just lose 1 kilo this week I will be happy.
The plan was that this weekend things will be different. I will exercise, and I will eat healthy. So this morning after being woke up by the Big Cat, Buckley twice I got my butt out of bed, put on my walking gear and hit the street. It was a cold, wet morning. I really did not want to be walking. The first 10 minutes were the hardest.
Along the way I did stop a few times to look at the Salvos shop and have a coffee. Walking down the main road I went past so many temptations: a bakery, where I could smell the bread baking; McDonald's where I could smell the hashbrowns being fried in canola oil; and finally the last one, a cafe, where I stopped and ate and had my coffee.
Why is it so hard to lead a healthy life?
You know I actually like healthy food. I love grilled fish, chicken, salads, vegetables. I don't have a problem eating things that are good for me. What is the problem then? Flat out laziness. I've stopped pre-planning my meals. I end up sleeping too late and not having a proper breakfast. I don't make my lunch. I am too lazy to even prepare salads or vegetables to take to work with me.
I need to plan for this week. I will conquer this. If I could just lose 1 kilo this week I will be happy.
12 Comments:
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said...
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hi..i believe u can do it..so how is singapore's noodle? hope its nice..take care..and believe in urself..
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airlie said...
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now thats more like it my girl!
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srp said...
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Here from Michele.
Doesn't it seem as if you can gain weight just by looking at food when you are trying to diet? The exercise is supposed to suppress the hunger and give off something to make your brain feel euphoric. Mostly it makes me sweat. If this were Vegas where the humidity is 0% and exercise sweat dries before even dampening your clothes it would be one thing. But this is Virginia where summertime humidity rarely falls below 60%. Good luck. -
Carmi said...
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You will succeed because you have the power to prevail over moronic purveyors of fast food.
When I used to run early in the morning, I was amazed at how McDonald's seemingly pumped out the smell to attract everyone in the neighborhood.
Now that I'm on the bike, I notice it less because I simply slam the pedals a little bit harder when I pass any place that serves food.
You're right: it IS tough being good. But SO rewarding when we get into a good groove. -
Wenchy said...
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You CAN do it.
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LeisaB NewMe said...
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Hi - just discovered your blog. I have great difficulty at times with keeping on track as well - it seems like everyone is trying to do something to tempt you. You have the right idea with the planning it is the key to being prepared. Have a great weekend this weekend.lb.
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Fat Girl said...
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You can do it rebeka. I know its a lot easier said than done. I had a shake for lunch. Sigh
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citycat said...
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Aw, don't call yourself lazy. It's not as much about lazy as it is about tired. I feel the same way- I like healthy food, I like to cook, but after awhile I just want to eat like a normal person and not have everything be so complicated. It's normal, try not to beat yourself up- you have done so well!
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Nan said...
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I love my diet food too, I just don't feel like getting up and actually making it these days. We'll get through it, sometimes we just need a bit of a break.
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Lidian said...
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It is really really hard being good - and I can't beliee how much of my energy goes into NOT eating this or that, how much energy it takes me to stay at an OK weight, not amazingly thin but just sort of normal range. And it really doesn't seem fair does it? It isn't really! I could so relate to the takeout - I long for takeout, we get it every other Saturday for a treat and it is sad how much I think about it. Japanese or Indian or Thai - your Singapore noodles sounded very good to me! BTW I love your blog and am a longtime& long-distance reader (in Canada). I'm in my early 40s and an aspiring mystery novelist who yearns for a chocoalte chip cookie no smaller than my head...
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Kim said...
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Self Deprivation is so hard. I walk downtown and see all the people dining and I just get so irritated that I can't eat like that...sigh....The little greasy diner downtown smells so good my legs almost buckle when I walk past it. YOu should do what I do complain about my suffering loudy and to anyone that will listen (and even to the ones that don't)
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honestyrain said...
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big hugs, dear one. you know my thoughts. you know i believe in you even on those days when you most completely and utterly do not believe on yourself. on those days you just think to yourself, well honestyrain believes in me today, that's something.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
12:43 PM
12:43 PM
Sunday, July 2
Life happens
I wish I could tell you guys that everything is on track and that the reason I have not been writing is because life has just been too good. Unfortunately, this is not the case.
Winter is generally a crap time of year for me. I thought that this one I could get a handle on it and not have it get the best of me. I was wrong.
Exercise? Who me? Eat healthy? Um no.
Last night I wanted chips so mr. ralph went out at midnight and got us chips and dip and we sat in our pj's watching the England and Portugal quarter final stuffing our faces. Am I painting a pretty picture?
For the most part I eat well. I do. I do not stock my house with these kinds of foods. I have learned that because I am an emotional eater, it is better if I don't. But mr. ralph is too easy. Where I won't go out and buy something at midnight, if I ask him too he will go for me. Yes, I do believe we are in a co-dependent relationship, even where food is concerned. We both eat when we feel emotional. I don't think mr. ralph would admit to it, but he and I are a lot alike when it comes to food.
Not too long ago we were both doing well. We exercised together, we kept food diaries, we weighed ourselves weekly and tracked our progress. It was one of the best times in our relationship because we were both feeling so healthy.
I want to get back to that, but I don't know how.
I try to motivate myself and I can do okay for a little while, but motivating someone else is another story.
I don't even know where I am going with this now, except sometimes life gets the better of you. Feelings get in the way of the things we want to achieve. I hate that I can be so ruled by my emotions. I want to get a handle on things, but doing what I know I should is the hardest part.
Winter is generally a crap time of year for me. I thought that this one I could get a handle on it and not have it get the best of me. I was wrong.
Exercise? Who me? Eat healthy? Um no.
Last night I wanted chips so mr. ralph went out at midnight and got us chips and dip and we sat in our pj's watching the England and Portugal quarter final stuffing our faces. Am I painting a pretty picture?
For the most part I eat well. I do. I do not stock my house with these kinds of foods. I have learned that because I am an emotional eater, it is better if I don't. But mr. ralph is too easy. Where I won't go out and buy something at midnight, if I ask him too he will go for me. Yes, I do believe we are in a co-dependent relationship, even where food is concerned. We both eat when we feel emotional. I don't think mr. ralph would admit to it, but he and I are a lot alike when it comes to food.
Not too long ago we were both doing well. We exercised together, we kept food diaries, we weighed ourselves weekly and tracked our progress. It was one of the best times in our relationship because we were both feeling so healthy.
I want to get back to that, but I don't know how.
I try to motivate myself and I can do okay for a little while, but motivating someone else is another story.
I don't even know where I am going with this now, except sometimes life gets the better of you. Feelings get in the way of the things we want to achieve. I hate that I can be so ruled by my emotions. I want to get a handle on things, but doing what I know I should is the hardest part.
4 Comments:
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...jus me said...
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I am starting all of my healthy eating yet again today! I really do understand! My hubby is easy too! Not that he would want to get get chips at midnight but he doesn't know what I should have and shouldn't and will even get stuff for me when I am trying to be good! Gotta love him!
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Fat Girl said...
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It happens, and I'm glad you got to get it out.
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M said...
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Winter is such a tough time on the motivation - especially when it is not the first winter in the weight loss journey. I know that I have found it the hardest period to date. I too have a co-dependant husband and I only have to whisper the word 'pizza' and all our hard work goes flying out the window.
Will we ever change? I am not sure we will. But the frequency of the whispering can get better and that is all I am aiming for.
Keep your chin up. I am sure that as the days get a little warmer, and a little longer, your motivation will starting kicking you along like it did before.
Hope you find some sunshine in your day :D -
airlie said...
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oh seriously! I am with the girls. It is just soooo cold and sooooo hard to get up and walk in the morning! I am thinking about joining a new women only gym because once I have paid for exercise I am much more likely to do it. Just keep remembering that your clothes are fitting much better!
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
8:18 AM
8:18 AM
Hi. This blog used to be all about weight loss, but now it is more.
Sounds like you have turned a corner and started getting back into the swing of it. Good for you.
I have to agree on the jeans sizes here in OZ. You cant just pick up the size you normally wear, you just have to try them on because they vary so much.
And if you're passing round the wine, Yes I'll have some too lol
Wine? Did someone say wine? Actually my alchohol weakness is gin.
It also sounds like pant sizes vary all over the world, not just here in the US...
Love the blog!
I've been lurking for a while but never commented, but just wanted to say good luck. None of it is easy - the weight loss, the- writing, the getting sorted (I know I'm going through all the same things myself!). But bit by bit you'll start achieving your goals and it will be SO worth it! Hang in there!
You are trying and that's what counts. And it could have been much worse than wine. Wine can be a good thing:)
You keep trying and that is the amazing part.
I heard the word wine and had to locate you! Red is my downfall...sigh
Sis, from one fatty to another, you just need to get right with yourself no matter your size. All that energy you spend on tracking food!
Sizes are crazy everywhere, and it drives ME crazy - I can be anything from an 8 to a 14, depending on the brand. Sigh.
Every day is hard for me in a different way - some writing and diet stuff never gets easier, I think. Hope everything is going well or at least OK for you...look forward to hearing from you!
The main thing, like everyone is saying, is that you (and I, and lots of others) keep on trying, are still in the game, even if we sometimes are on hiatus.
Good for you - keep up the good work! I know it's hard, but it's worth it!
Sounds like you are on the right path. It is tough my weak spot is certain sweets. I get a bite of some kinds and I can't stop. I have taken to avoiding the trigger foods altogether.
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