I have listened to the free Think Slim cd about 4 times just before going to sleep at night. There is one part where he repeats over and over, "not hungry, thirsty, drink more water, drink more water." It is now stuck in my head. Is that a good thing? Well, it may be working because I feel thirsty all the time. But that could just be because it is fucking hot outside.
Friday night was my work Christmas party. Mr. ralph and I drank far too much and were both sick. But it was a good night. It was nice to do something together. Things are on the up with us.
I had a good week and think I lost weight, but I still haven't weighed myself. At the moment I am letting the way my clothes fit tell me how I am doing. I am too scared of the scale.
I didn't walk yesterday because of the massive hangover, but I did get up early this morning and do some walking. I am thinking about joining the gym that is in the city so that I can go on my way home from work. But I don't want to join for more than 3 months. I don't know how much longer I will be living here.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
10:32 AM
Earlier this year one of the Slimming Magazines came with a cd promoting the
Think Slim program. I listened to it last night. At the end of the promotional garbage is a 24 minute hypnotherapy section. I don't know how successful the program is, but I thought of ordering it ... until I saw the price. No way!
I don't know if I was actually hypnotised either. I found myself not easily put under. Everything distracted me, but after it was over I did easily fall asleep.
One of the main things he promotes is drinking green tea in between every meal. So I did buy some chai green tea yesterday. I actually abhor the taste of green tea but for some reason when blended with chai it is tolerable. I wonder if you still get the same benefits of the flavinoids this way?
There is one thing I still don't want to do and that is weigh myself. I have no idea how much I have gained from my lowest weight, but I don't want to know either. Maybe after one week of eating right I have more courage to face the scale.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
5:43 AM
Can you believe it is 5 weeks until Christmas?
I was in denial about it. It couldn't possibly be November! Then last weekend I went to a friend's house-warming party. I ended up in a conversation with one of my friend's mothers who started asking me about my family and what we normally do for the holidays, and if I miss them.
Well, now I am stuck grieving for my family.
I decided not to celebrate Thanksgiving this year. Every year I try to do something traditional. I cook some turkey, some kind of stuffing and some sweet potato casserole. But it never feels the same. I mean, it is over 90 degrees and the people I eat with don't even like cornbread dressing! And, I can never make the way my mother does. It is an impossible task. So I'm not doing it.
Yesterday I was talking to my sister and she reminded me that the year I moved away (2002) we had to have Thanksgiving dinner early for me just so I could have mom's cornbread dressing.
I'm so sick of 2006. This year has to be one of the worst years of my life. I think I remember saying that about 2005 too, but just when you think life can't get worse, it does!
I want the year to be over. So I am starting my new year's resolution early. That's right, November 19th marks a new beginning for me.
For the past few months my weight has gone up and down on a weekly basis. I know this because of the way my clothes fit. The main reason for it is because I have had too much to deal with emotionally. I try to focus on weight-loss and by the 2nd day I'm drowning myself in a bottle of red. One week I feel so awful that I can't even eat and probably drop 5 kilos, the next I am eating chips and dim sims for dinner. Why? Well because I didn't eat the week before of course!
It has been a total disaster.
Next Friday is my first Christmas party. It is for work. I remember last year how thin I was for the same party. I was so happy.
I don't have that much of a plan yet. I am jumping the gun by writing about it before actually thinking it through.
There is one thing I will be doing, and that is writing. I always do much better with this when I write. So look forward to more entries!
Also, what do you think about the new gigs?
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
6:50 AM
When I talk about my life it always seems like I come back to that word, cracked, broken, incomplete.. What does it mean to be broken? When I try to relate to other people I find it very difficult. I hide things about the way I think and feel because I know that they they will not understand or worse they may judge me. Lately I feel so isolated in my own thoughts. There is a real lonliness in that, especially since I am someone who yearns for openness.
Food does not judge me. When I eat I am comforted in a way that I am not by the people in my life.
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
6:32 PM
Hi. This blog used to be all about weight loss, but now it is more.
Hi
Glad to see that you're back. I've been checking in periodicaly for awhile. I like reading your blog, I often feel in sync with your thoughts. I like your idea of starting new years resolutions early, I need to do that too. 2006 has sucked for me too. In 2005 I was on a great losing streak, which I just totally lost this year.
Best of luck in your new attempt!
Join the gym on a month-to-month basis - who cares how long you'll be there, just do what you need to in order to feel fabulous for yourself!
Hugs,
Denise
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