Sick of Sucking it in

SO ....
I spent all day yesterday cursing and walking around muttering the number I saw on the scale under my breath.

Trust me when I say I had no idea. You would think that since at one time I was obsessed with the scale and weighed myself almost daily I would have had some clue. But I have been living on another planet, one where alcohol has no calories and exercise is optional. I've been living as if I don't have to watch my weight.

I remember saying once how I wanted to live like that....

I'm over it.

I wanted to walk this morning and it is raining.

3 Comments:

Denise said...: Someone once said that when you're in Hell the only way out is to keep on going. I have nothing helpful to add to that except to say that my thoughts will be with you and that I know how it feels.; 8:49 AM
gin said...: i am nearly in the same spot. next week i will go see my nutritionist and will have to get on THAT scale and see THE numbers. it's been something i have known i need to face up to for awhile - it means change is needed. change is good! you have my support no matter how hard or embarassing or painful it all is. -gin; 2:14 AM

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"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."

9:10 AM

Things are not well, not well at all.

I have myseterious tummy pains that come and go which prompted me to go to the doctor on Monday and not go to work. While I was there I decided to do a little housecleaning and confessed to my ever increasing depressed mood. I told her I have gained weight, drink regularly (alcohol that is) and cry almost every day.

To that she said, "Oh ok. I think you need to come back tomorrow so I can do a mental health plan."

So I did.

And she has referred me to a psychiatrist so that they can see if I am on the right medication etc, and to a psychologist because the one I have been seeing has not been that helpful, obviously.

Oh and she said I need to reduce my weight. Recommendations: healthy eating, cutting out alcohol, and exercise.

So I am now the proud owner of what they call a mental health plan, and I don't have the fondest clue of how to do the things required of me.

5 Comments:

Laura said...: When you figure it all out let the rest of us know. Not that I don't know what I should be doing just don't know how to make myself do it.; 10:47 PM
Kate said...: Blech, I'm sorry you are feeling so lousy. I gotta say I am in sych with your lack of a plan. I have not made the step of revealing the depression to my doctor and fear the same "directions" would be given to me. Not very helpful so far it seems. I hope the new psychologist that you get will be better for you than your current one. Hang in there. I wish you wellness!; 7:34 AM
Greta & Gurdy said...: Welcome to the club! I'm not currently in therapy but was not so many years ago for an eating disorder. There are many days I relaize I should make a visit from time to time.

Hang in there, it WILL get better. It takes time and sometimes even a change (or 2) in docs (its hard to find someone you really click with). But you can do it.; 1:32 AM
Livy said...: You poor thing. Hang in there. Shit, some days are really hardcore aren't they? I can honestly say there are so many people out there like yourself who don't ask for help, and suffer accordingly. Good on you for standing up and getting some help. I also have to say, keep looking for the right therapist. Many people get put off if they don't like the first one they see, but the reality is, you may see several until you meet one that you 'click' with.
Tomorrow will be better.; 7:05 AM